Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for October 12, 2022

People wouldn’t order it if you didn’t offer it.

Rat, just give him the whip. Repeatedly.

I don’t know what the guy is asking for. Is it coffee?

I dunno, he seems pretty whipped to me.

to misquote the Rollimg Stomes, “Rat sees that order and he wants to serve it black!”

Sir, we serve coffee. Whipping are handled at the massage parlor 2 doors down.

to Rat Give me the Strongest Coffee you got, Heavy on the Cream and Sugar. Rat: How hot do you want it? to Rat Hot enough to make me stand the rest of the year. Rat: Coming right up.

For once, I agree with rat!

The decline of Western Civilization

I never frequent Starbucks normally, but once I was on a road trip and I was charging my car for a half hour or so and it was the only food source and shelter from the rain. I ordered “a cup of coffee” and they actually gave me one. I didn’t know any of the terms like this guy used. I also bought some awful dry chicken sandwich they called by some Italian name.

A minute of silence, please.

I’m sure Rat would enjoy whipping him.

you can’t always get what you want…

In and out no "Gingerbreading " large Black Coffee, Done !

Bad boy cartoonist Sephan Pastis remains on the cutting edge of 90s humor

What’s funny is that baristas learn to keep orders like that straight all day long, but give ‘em a name like “Bob” to write on the cup and they can’t spell it right.

When the coffee tastes terrible, the customers are forces to add all kinds of junk to it. The company can then charge much more for it.

I shall mourn with you, Rat.

What’s wring with this country is more likely to be found in that mega-pickup truck he drove to the coffee shop (but never actually uses to haul stuff).

How do you make a coffee that’s over the boiling point of water?

He ordered a grande but will only drink a short worth (yes, I had to look up the smallest size from Starbucks, 8 oz.)

When all the control you have over your life is the options in your coffee, you go for what you can get.

Rat is not wrong, but he’s also contributing to the decline of civilization with that bowtie.

I found the wrong. It’s the guy didn’t say “Please.” And that’s where things are wrong with this country. People don’t know how to use common courtesy anymore.

OK, I’m not a coffee drinker. Can you actually order your coffee at a specific temperature, or is that just something that Pastis made up?

Rat, i can assure you than in Italy is normal ask for way weirder kind of coffee.

I think it started with the word “Grande”.

100 degrees C, F or K?

Can they actually set the temperature?

Two observations: Rat is in the wrong occupation and two, I’m glad that I am a tea drinker.

I’m glad I don’t drink coffee—I’d never be able to remember all that.

Luke warm ?

Love the look I get when I walk in the shop and just order a coffee black.

This morning’s coffee. Black. Espresso roast beans. Made in a Moka Pot. At home. I am actually kind of picky about my coffee with nothing else in it, but if I do go to a place like Joe’s Roastery, they can usually handle a black coffee. I’m not going to put a thermometer in it to see if it’s the perfect temperature. I might want to go there when Rat’s not working, though.

We sell drinks here, sir.

I don’t know about the rest of the country but in New England we have a short hand way of ordering: give me a “regular” means large with cream and sugar. Anything else is just slowing down the line.

Amen.

When your customer walks in with his fists already balled up, it might be better not to argue with him. Especially before his first cup of whatever that is.

Need to mourn the decline of manners. Not a please, or can I have , or a thank you out there

Doesn’t matter how much shyt you put into it the coffee will still taste bitter

That will be $85.78. Inflation and local taxes.

Give him what he wants, so he leaves, customer is always right…but NOT REALLY!

Is there any coffee in that thing?

My dad went into one of those cafes and said “I want a coffee.” The barista began to start with options, thought better of it after a couple of words and the look on my dad’s face, and got him a black coffee. Which is probably the rarest order at those places.

Is there coffee in there somewhere?

I think the biggest flaw with that order is that it’s half-caff.

Rat, don’t try to rile him up, just give him his order! Also, I prefer drinking tea to coffee.

No time to morn. Coffee now….

Sad part is how many different combinations he tried to get to this level of annoyance.

Italians say, “Everything in America has too much sugar.” Their caffe is to die for. They call Starbucks “burnt beans”.

Amen!

If that is in fact an actual drink, I feel sorry for everyone who works at Starbucks

Are there people really like that?

Rat sure is a snazzily dressed barrista.

I used to think the Fraser boys were a parody. I now see they were a glimpse into the future, now our present.

A fun time: Walk into the local coffee shop. Order a large coffee. Get the blank stare. Give them your name and ask, how much? Again, get a blank stare. Baristas don’t understand plain black coffee.

Soon there will be more coffee varieties than ice cream flavors.

I wonder what Rat would do if someone simply asked for a cup of coffee.

So on point. I hope the readers understand the meaning.

Have it your way. Unless it’s after 2021.

I like my coffee like I like my women: Black and Hot.

Irish Coffee

1 1/3 oz (2 parts) Irish whiskey 1 oz (1½ parts) Fresh cream 1 tsp. Brown sugar 2 2/3 oz (4 parts) Hot coffee

Heat the coffee, whiskey & sugar. Do not boil. Pour into glass & top with cream. Serve hot.

I’ve always wondered – would the guy be able to tell if Rat intentionally left out one of the ingredients?

Rat is my spirit animal hahaha

Worse news for Rat—the next customer is Jeremy of ZITS

..The non-fat soy clued me.

Local Dunkin’ used to fill your cup half full of milk if you didn’t say “just a dash”, or something like that.

Rat: “Turn around and keep walking until you can drink something normal” Customer: “But …”Rat: “You have your order”

The guy ordering is one of those people that doesn’t really understand his order. No need to say non-fat when getting soy and macchiato is topped with milk foam, not whipped cream so it comes no whip.

There’s only one thing wrong with our country: 70,000,000 people who don’t realize how imperiled they are. Today I saw a truck with a Trump sticker saying “stand by your country” – and urging us to vote for the draft-dodger who calls dead soldiers “losers”. Go figure….

Is there a possible coffee order that is a pangram – that contains every letter of the alphabet, like “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”?

Rat may not be a very good barista, but he does effectively puncture the pomposity of pretentious preferences!

You want to ‘mourn our decline’, Rat? How about our labor economy being so dysfunctional, they won’t fire you? Rat is an example of the kind of people in real life whom we should be paying to stay out of the workforce. Like Wally from ‘Dilbert’, they may not make one percent of the overall workforce, but their toxicity is a huge problem for the rest of us.

Please tell me a good deal of the humor is due to the order being an exaggerated mockery and not all that close to anybody’s actual order.

And I used to order a black coffee.