Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for February 05, 2023

He wants people to dance on his grave and sing in rejoice?

Lots of folks prefer a great story to an autobiography.

Not sure about the “heaven-on-earth” part, but earth sure is an haven for all sorts.

I wright a new memoir every week

My grocery list

Mine will read “here lies someone who wanted to be left alone and somehow ended up married “

Mine will read I met an angel and married her!!

I really did have heaven on earth!

Easier to fool than convince the fooled that they have been – that explains Twitter and Facebook completely. The social media will be the death of us.

Mine…, “That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.”

“Could you please move to the left or the right a little bit? You are standing on my face.”

“I enjoyed the ride.”

Sounds like Ghandi:

“LIVE as if you were to die tomorrow. LEARN as if you were to live forever.”

Absolutely speechless, until I open the next bottle of Shiraz.

From a German gravestone: “Hier liegen meine Gebeine. Ich wollt es wären deine.” (Here lie my bones. I wish they were yours.)

‘Now where did I put my glasses?’

Phil’s flip side, known by best friend Bernie:

It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.

Don’t talk of love.

Well I’ve heard the word before.

It’s sleeping in my memory,

I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.

It is a good quote to at least strive to live by though. Wallowing in misery over the state of this world doesn’t really help anybody, and yes I am speaking fron experience.

Hmmm. Twain predicted Trump supporters?

“A person doesn’t HAVE a soul. A person IS a soul — temporarily having had a body.”

I’m a guide at a historic cemetery. My favorite epitaph is “See you later”.

Mine will simply read, “Since you wouldn’t visit me while I was sick and dealing with lung issues, kindly Eff Off and get lost.”

Bernie and Phil… Very New England….

Mine will be, “I told you I was sick.”

Mine should be “God knows I tried.” My daughter suggested it, and she really knows me!

Count Me Out

If you’re going to write something, make it funny. Nobody who walks through a cemetery wants to be lectured

" As you are I was once , as I am you shall be " Please pray for me : )

“What’s a guy got to do to get a cup of coffee around here?”

Twain sure has the current crop of Heffalump supporters pegged…

Best Epitaph: “On the Whole, I’d Rather Be in Philadelphia!” W.C.Fields.

Hence Leftist supporters.

Great Job Wiley, good day too you.

I’l be cremated and have my urn engraved “Kiss My Ash”.

I always liked that song.

False attribution, just like nearly every other quote on the web. See https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/did-mark-twain-say-its-easier-to-fool-people-than-to-convince-them-that-they-have-been-fooled/ for details.

Currently waiting for my stone to be delivered. It will have a picture I took about 1980 of my BMW motorcycle in the mountains of Colorado with the first line of Bilbo’s traveling song:

The road goes ever on and on …

I want people to remember who I was, not the sad wreck I am now.

Strange beautiful grass of green,With your majestic silver seasYour mysterious mountains I wish to see closerMay I land my kinky machine?Although your world wonders me,With your majestic superior cackling henYour people I do not understand,So to you I shall put an endAnd you’ll never hear surf music again.

That’s going to take a good size head stone plus will cost a fortune…

Truth Mark Twain

I got mine ready

Here lies the bones of Redd Pandee

Died at the age of 103

For 15 years he kept his virginity

Quite a record for this vicinity

I know, JAWS, however it was an actual headstone. Believe it or not.

Most likely not a twain quote. Sam’s work is well documented and this is not on any authoritative site. Sorry, Twain fan here :-)

“What are you looking at?” would be on my tombstone, if I was going to have one. But I’m not, waste of money.

Here’s mine: “last night I dreamed a fearsome dream, beyond the Isle of Skye, I saw a dead man win a fight and I think that man was I.”

I miss Guy Clark…

“I’d rather be fishing.”

I’m hoping my body will good enough to transplant and dissect. The remains can be cremated, and my name added with my dates to some other stone, probably my mothers’s. No statement. No text. My life should be enough.

How bout ‘eat like no one’s watching’?

I pity the fool!

the VA will not pay for your creation they will only pay for your internment

If I were to be buried rather than cremated, I think I’d like

“Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul:

I want to get lost in your rocknroll

And drift away."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. A fool and his stupidity are soon interred.

Mine will read: “It’s PERFECTLY good!”

My wife and kids have heard me say that all through our lives together. My wife says her epitaph on the same stone will read: “Yes!”

I did really like the one @christelisbetty described in her response to @timbob2313 near the beginning of this thread, though.

Haven’t decided on one yet. Possibly Maybe next time or Sure is hot here. Thought about the death date like 2075 which would mean I made 120. It will be a while before the joke works.

Close but no epitaph. Twain didn’t say it in those exact word – close though: “How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and how hard it is to undo that work again!” – Autobiographical dictation, 2 December 1906. Published in Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 2 (University of California Press, 2013)

Georgy Santos—lying in repose!

We already had a family plot. Our first son was buried there. [He only lived a few days.] We will be cremated and the ashes will be placed in that plot along with him. My coffin is to be bamboo, like bamboo flooring, maybe 1.5 or 2 litres.

“See you on the next time around.”

Translate Twain to the more modern “Nobody hates being called a sucker more than a sucker”.

After medical science is done with my donated remains, my remaining remains will be cremated and scattered into the sea at the end of Dungeness Spit, WA., USA.