Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 18, 2024

Did they ever find the hotel clerk’s body?

Moral: Find a better place to stay than Le Hotel.

You could open the door to get some light, but if you are not dressed, that could be a problem.

That’s what your cell phone is for.

Keep a spare hotel card to leave in the slot.

I used to spend about 125 nights a year in hotels. What am I missing here?

Not a lot of return stays at this joint.

We ran into that exact same conundrum a couple of years ago at Legoland. It would have been nice of the desk clerk had mentioned it when we checked in.

Technology use gone mad.

Actually happened to Patti’s :-)

I was on a business trip and stayed at a hotel that had air conditioning on only when there was movement in the room. Went to bed and after 25 minutes it was sweltering.

I rigged up a makeshift mobile in front of the detector that moved with the ducted air and that mobile set off the detector so the room appeared to be occupied.

Why’d hotel staff keeps rat in the dark about this so far?

Ah this must be the notorious Le Hotel which was shut down for rat infestation.

Hotels are getting more and more complicated.

Le Hotel went out of business paying lawsuits from people injuring themselves in the dark!

What if Rat were trying to find le toilette?

God Bless is code for something else.

I wonder if this qualifies as a PSA?

In hotels I am usually just flipping 10 different light switches in a vain attempt to figure out which one controls a particular light!

I traveled a lot during my working years — the worst motels was those that had motion detectors on the room air conditioner. Hard to spend a comfortable night.

We once stayed in a place that you had to put the keycard in a slot to turn on the heat.

Rat, you are a slave: bow to the master.

One of the benefits of smart technology.

EVERYTHING must be done by computers now, even if it doesn’t work as well.

Light switches on walls was a GREAT idea. A card in a slot isn’t.

The bulbs in hotel rooms shouldn’t even be called lights; they should be called darks.

I went out of town a couple weeks ago and spent the night at a fairly nice hotel. I’m kinda embarrassed to admit that it took me almost 15 minutes to figure out how to turn on the bedside lights.

Don’t travel much, but a few years ago I have seen motion controled lighting in hotel hallways.

When we go to San Diego twice a year( where I spent my whole life until I retired) we stay at the Navy lodges. Our favorite is on the sub base on Pt Loma. There is a little slot by the front door where the key card goes that turns on the power to the room. We were told about it when we checked in the first time and because it was during the day there were no surprises.

We have not seen that in any of the regular hotels we’ve every been in all over the country.

I’ve posted this before, but it’s good (and long):

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel’s staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.

(A guest writes to his room maid)

Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman

Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory. Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear Maid — I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won’t need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them. S. Berman

[Continued…]

Dear Mr. Berman, My day off was last Wed., so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn’t remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance. Your regular maid, Dotty

Dear Mr. Berman, The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5 PM. Thank you. Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen, It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don’t get back before 5:30 or 6 PM. That’s the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me? S. Berman

[Continued…]

Dear Mr. Berman, Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5 PM. Thank you, Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mr. Kensedder, My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets. S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman, I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience. Martin L. Kensedder, Assistant Manager

Dear Mrs. Carmen, Who the heck left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don’t want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one darned bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial. S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman, You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don’t know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don’t know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room. Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

[Continued…]

Dear Mrs. Carmen, Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess: – On shelf under medicine cabinet – 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. – On Kleenex dispenser – 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3. – On bedroom dresser – 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. – Inside medicine cabinet – 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. – In shower soap dish – 6 Camay, very moist. – On northeast corner of tub – 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. – On northwest corner of tub – 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3. Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings. S. Berman

[End]

If you see a charge for the room that is odd, it is you paying for the power you used.

On a month long trip to Britain 10 years ago, our tour director said just keep the room key from the first hotel. You could use it at all of the other hotels we stayed at.

And that’s when I discovered Airbnb.

Sir, the same way you found and dialed this phone.

I just learned from my hotel clerk that any card will work. I cut one out of ordinary cardboard and it worked just fine.

We stayed in a hotel in San Diego during a hot spell (upper 90s all week). Found out the AC in the rooms was on a motion sensor. Leave the room or sleep too soundly and the AC shut off after 15 minutes.

Notice the “Le Hotel” sign…

Overseas, some hotels have you pay for your electricity.

LOL — this happened to me last summer when I toured Europe! The clerk at my first hotel explained ahead of time (well, he tried to explain, but I didn’t really understand). I got it, though, when I took the card out of the slot and all the lights (and TV) went out, unexpectedly plunging the room into total darkness.

Did Pastis have something like this happen? I once read a Dave Barry piece where he described a boom tour during which he stayed in a ‘trendy boutique’ hotel that was dark intentionally. On that same tour, Barry mentioned going into drug store and seeing a love seat for sale hanging over the cash register. FWIW, this was all in Los Angeles.

I had to do that once. Embarrassing to have to call the desk to figure out how to turn the lights on.

I’ve never had to do that. Is this a joke?

How bout having a flashlight handy?

How long before the woke police make them relabel them as “leader” or some such thing?

“Le Hotel”?…France, then?…this actually doesn’t surprise me….

Hotels are trying to save electricity AND water (and make it easier for older folks) by eliminating bathtubs, I’ve noticed walk-in showers in newer hotels. No more soaking in a full hot bath. Easier and faster to clean.

I would have expected him to have better night vision or at least use his phone.