Just call everyone John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. His name is your name too. The techie moles won’t know what’s going on. (:Makes as much sense as Rat).
This is probably a good idea to use over at Facebook. These days, anything you say in normal language gets censored or “fact-checked,” no matter how valid it may be.
Actually it’s not paranoid. Last night I was eating dinner with my wife suddenly my Apple Watch started to say something like I can help you with at. This isn’t the first time it’s done that. Another time I was talking about brother and the Apple Watch asked if I’d like to send him our conversation. And don’t get me going on the other eavesdropper Alexa
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking.
So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga.
So we finish eighteen and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey! Lama! Hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.”
I hate to tell you, Rat, but that’s not your own language. According to Google Translate, it’s the Afar language, used in parts of Africa. What you said in the last panel means “Stupid Farfoo Soft Clam” in English.
They do have a listening mode when the assistant software is active. I’m sure that can be abused. Solution, no Alexa, no Siri and keep your phone in your backpack / purse.
BasilBruce 4 months ago
Wackadoo.
salakfarm Premium Member 4 months ago
Not to mention Klaatu barada nikto.
carlsonbob 4 months ago
Just call everyone John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. His name is your name too. The techie moles won’t know what’s going on. (:Makes as much sense as Rat).
tudza Premium Member 4 months ago
Those are just Star Wars character names.
Robin Harwood 4 months ago
Good, healthy, paranoia is an essential survival tactic. They are out to get you, even if you don’t believe it.
PaulAbbott2 4 months ago
Easy for you to say
A Common 'tator 4 months ago
Why do you think Cockney came into existence?
noahproblem 4 months ago
Where’s the Comics Censor? I’m pretty sure you can’t say “Farfoo” in a comic strip…
lavender headgear 4 months ago
I put a piece of masking tape over the camera when I’m not using it. Not much I can do about the microphone.
californiamonty 4 months ago
Subite mi demandas min, ĉu Doktoro Zamenhof estis paranoja krom geniulo.
jonnytest 4 months ago
You can’t just say “lembot” whenever you want! That’s just nasty!
Gent 4 months ago
Rat is so verminacular.
minty_Joe 4 months ago
Just learn how to back-mask all your words. That’s how they snuck hidden messages into famous songs; lots of backwards messages.
willispate 4 months ago
sorry, my translator’s on the fritz.
iggyman 4 months ago
Alktay Otay Igpay!
The Old Wolf 4 months ago
This is probably a good idea to use over at Facebook. These days, anything you say in normal language gets censored or “fact-checked,” no matter how valid it may be.
Doug K 4 months ago
Em-klay embot-lay obo-bay arfoo-fay? … … O-may o-nay!
Kaputnik 4 months ago
I don’t know, seems a bit farfootched to me.
markkahler52 4 months ago
Mekka lekka hi, meeka hiney ho !
Egrayjames 4 months ago
“Ganga Ganga Gang Galoonga!”
win.45mag 4 months ago
Wasn’t Bobo a clown…….can’t quite place him, but the name rings a bell
Slowly, he turned... 4 months ago
oo ee. oo ah ah, bing bang walla walla, bing bang
jel354 4 months ago
I hope Rat provides an answer key for his key acquaintances.
akachman Premium Member 4 months ago
Preach it, Rat!
RobinHood 4 months ago
“I always feel like, somebody’s watching me.”
Procat Premium Member 4 months ago
In the last panel it sounds like rat is running for president again, when asked about his policies he will enact if elected.
Skippy the Magnificent 4 months ago
You’re not paranoid if they really are after you.
Ellis97 4 months ago
Whatever it translates to, it’s probably something insulting.
Count Olaf Premium Member 4 months ago
Rat just said “Let’s Go, Brandon”
2Goldfish 4 months ago
Na-noo, na-noo!
chris_o42 4 months ago
Rat, maj, jIyaj. majQa!
Huckleberry Hiroshima 4 months ago
Nyiff-nyiff narrafenblaphul. Schmock!
rickseg 4 months ago
Mairseedotes and doeseedotes and little lambseedivy.
wongo 4 months ago
Translation: “Your mother sleeps with rabid wolverines”.
aerotica69 4 months ago
Just don’t try speaking Klingon – everyone in “Big Tech” already knows that language.
mindjob 4 months ago
Once they get a hold of that Universal Translator, the gig will be up
Queen of America 4 months ago
The only thing my phone camera will catch is me playing with the foster kittens or the inside of my purse.
Ozzman25 4 months ago
Yah a dab will do
DanMoran1 4 months ago
May I mambo dog face to the banana patch? -credit Steve Martin
esg1981 4 months ago
Google Translate detects “klem lembot bobo farfoo” as Afar language, which in English is “soft clamp stupid farfoo”.
ladykat 4 months ago
What Rat said.
Dapperdan61 Premium Member 4 months ago
Actually it’s not paranoid. Last night I was eating dinner with my wife suddenly my Apple Watch started to say something like I can help you with at. This isn’t the first time it’s done that. Another time I was talking about brother and the Apple Watch asked if I’d like to send him our conversation. And don’t get me going on the other eavesdropper Alexa
Radish the wordsmith 4 months ago
Sigur Rós Rat
txmystic 4 months ago
Chaka! Chaka Chaka Chaka!
Goat from PBS 4 months ago
I’ll take that as a no and a sharp insult.
txmystic 4 months ago
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking.
So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga.
So we finish eighteen and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey! Lama! Hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.”
So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
DaBump Premium Member 4 months ago
I was going to say something about Klingon or Esperanto, but I see I’m late to the party.
gorbag 4 months ago
I believe “Newspeak” from Orwell’s 1984 covers the horror that redefining language by the government (or political parties for that matter) can cause.
walstib Premium Member 4 months ago
As a youth, “A Clockwork Orange” was my favorite movie (after “Duck Soup”), but the alternate language annoyed me. And the book was even worse.
Keno21 4 months ago
Oo ee, oo ah ah. Ting tang, walla walla bing bang!
[Anonymous Account] 4 months ago
I do that too except it’s because I need an invented language for my Fantasy epic. Cea nor calren Rael. (All the lesser mortals fear me)
Bilan 4 months ago
It won’t work. The NSA has a language translation department.
The Brooklyn Accent Premium Member 4 months ago
Goo goo g’joob!
kaffekup 4 months ago
The most suspicious people nowadays are the ones that speak foreign languages, Rat.
zeexenon 4 months ago
Igpay atinlay oryay atray atinlay?
omegasupreme 4 months ago
well I can still talk to rat using the Universal greeting Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong.
toddqwilliams 4 months ago
Wooh! Watch the language!!
Buoy 4 months ago
I think Rat said, Go eff yourself sheep.
CatDefender 4 months ago
Simlish!
FRITH RA 4 months ago
What? Nothing about eels and hovercrafts?
willie_mctell 4 months ago
When I worked in a pizza parlor I wished the employees had a secret language.
[Unnamed Reader - 14b4ce] 4 months ago
Oh,Maha?AHA!!
Rasganyabettafafoochie…dat frogface,,,,you gotta something,kiddo?
Roscoe 4 months ago
Covfefe, covfefe, covfefe.
dimndno 4 months ago
I’m only paranoid cuz everyone’s spying on me.
Katje 4 months ago
Kartoffel stammpot lemme eet.
JoeMartinFan Premium Member 4 months ago
Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop!
JoeMartinFan Premium Member 4 months ago
Rat already said too much in panels 2 and 3.
Chris Sherlock 4 months ago
I hate to tell you, Rat, but that’s not your own language. According to Google Translate, it’s the Afar language, used in parts of Africa. What you said in the last panel means “Stupid Farfoo Soft Clam” in English.
aerilim 4 months ago
I turn off my phone at 5PM everyday..
eddi-TBH 4 months ago
They do have a listening mode when the assistant software is active. I’m sure that can be abused. Solution, no Alexa, no Siri and keep your phone in your backpack / purse.
thedogesl Premium Member 4 months ago
“Spreak Engrish twoops!”
HA! 4 months ago
Flea, flea fly flo, vista, cumola cumola cumola vista, no no no not la vista!
whelan_jj 4 months ago
Since no-one can understand your invented language anyway, I have a simpler solution: Keep your mouth shut and never say anything.
Strawberry King 4 months ago
This ratty is batty.
Swirls Before Pine 4 months ago
Not when my phone’s battery is dead, which is often.
pantograph 4 months ago
Navajo code talkers worked great in WW II.
Ceeg22 Premium Member 3 months ago
Shaka, when the walls fell