Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 12, 2024

Wackadoo.

Not to mention Klaatu barada nikto.

Just call everyone John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. His name is your name too. The techie moles won’t know what’s going on. (:Makes as much sense as Rat).

Those are just Star Wars character names.

Good, healthy, paranoia is an essential survival tactic. They are out to get you, even if you don’t believe it.

Easy for you to say

Where’s the Comics Censor? I’m pretty sure you can’t say “Farfoo” in a comic strip…

I put a piece of masking tape over the camera when I’m not using it. Not much I can do about the microphone.

Subite mi demandas min, ĉu Doktoro Zamenhof estis paranoja krom geniulo.

You can’t just say “lembot” whenever you want! That’s just nasty!

Rat is so verminacular.

Just learn how to back-mask all your words. That’s how they snuck hidden messages into famous songs; lots of backwards messages.

sorry, my translator’s on the fritz.

Alktay Otay Igpay!

This is probably a good idea to use over at Facebook. These days, anything you say in normal language gets censored or “fact-checked,” no matter how valid it may be.

Em-klay embot-lay obo-bay arfoo-fay? … … O-may o-nay!

I don’t know, seems a bit farfootched to me.

Mekka lekka hi, meeka hiney ho !

“Ganga Ganga Gang Galoonga!”

Wasn’t Bobo a clown…….can’t quite place him, but the name rings a bell

oo ee. oo ah ah, bing bang walla walla, bing bang

I hope Rat provides an answer key for his key acquaintances.

Preach it, Rat!

“I always feel like, somebody’s watching me.”

In the last panel it sounds like rat is running for president again, when asked about his policies he will enact if elected.

You’re not paranoid if they really are after you.

Whatever it translates to, it’s probably something insulting.

Rat just said “Let’s Go, Brandon”

Na-noo, na-noo!

Rat, maj, jIyaj. majQa!

Nyiff-nyiff narrafenblaphul. Schmock!

Mairseedotes and doeseedotes and little lambseedivy.

Translation: “Your mother sleeps with rabid wolverines”.

Just don’t try speaking Klingon – everyone in “Big Tech” already knows that language.

Once they get a hold of that Universal Translator, the gig will be up

The only thing my phone camera will catch is me playing with the foster kittens or the inside of my purse.

Yah a dab will do

May I mambo dog face to the banana patch? -credit Steve Martin

Google Translate detects “klem lembot bobo farfoo” as Afar language, which in English is “soft clamp stupid farfoo”.

What Rat said.

Actually it’s not paranoid. Last night I was eating dinner with my wife suddenly my Apple Watch started to say something like I can help you with at. This isn’t the first time it’s done that. Another time I was talking about brother and the Apple Watch asked if I’d like to send him our conversation. And don’t get me going on the other eavesdropper Alexa

Sigur Rós Rat

Chaka! Chaka Chaka Chaka!

I’ll take that as a no and a sharp insult.

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking.

So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga.

So we finish eighteen and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey! Lama! Hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.”

So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.

I was going to say something about Klingon or Esperanto, but I see I’m late to the party.

I believe “Newspeak” from Orwell’s 1984 covers the horror that redefining language by the government (or political parties for that matter) can cause.

As a youth, “A Clockwork Orange” was my favorite movie (after “Duck Soup”), but the alternate language annoyed me. And the book was even worse.

Oo ee, oo ah ah. Ting tang, walla walla bing bang!

I do that too except it’s because I need an invented language for my Fantasy epic. Cea nor calren Rael. (All the lesser mortals fear me)

It won’t work. The NSA has a language translation department.

Goo goo g’joob!

The most suspicious people nowadays are the ones that speak foreign languages, Rat.

Igpay atinlay oryay atray atinlay?

well I can still talk to rat using the Universal greeting Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong.

Wooh! Watch the language!!

I think Rat said, Go eff yourself sheep.

Simlish!

What? Nothing about eels and hovercrafts?

When I worked in a pizza parlor I wished the employees had a secret language.

Oh,Maha?AHA!!

Rasganyabettafafoochie…dat frogface,,,,you gotta something,kiddo?

Covfefe, covfefe, covfefe.

I’m only paranoid cuz everyone’s spying on me.

Kartoffel stammpot lemme eet.

Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop!

Rat already said too much in panels 2 and 3.

I hate to tell you, Rat, but that’s not your own language. According to Google Translate, it’s the Afar language, used in parts of Africa. What you said in the last panel means “Stupid Farfoo Soft Clam” in English.

I turn off my phone at 5PM everyday..

They do have a listening mode when the assistant software is active. I’m sure that can be abused. Solution, no Alexa, no Siri and keep your phone in your backpack / purse.

“Spreak Engrish twoops!”

Flea, flea fly flo, vista, cumola cumola cumola vista, no no no not la vista!

Since no-one can understand your invented language anyway, I have a simpler solution: Keep your mouth shut and never say anything.

This ratty is batty.

Not when my phone’s battery is dead, which is often.

Navajo code talkers worked great in WW II.

Shaka, when the walls fell