Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for September 20, 2022

I was googling some stock tips from leading advisors from 2 years ago, and almost all of the stocks that they had recommended either tanked or under-performed the market.

I wonder how much they charge for June 8, 2025? I would like to buy that day.

n 2001, a friend who works at NorTel was recommending their stocks to everybody because the company was ripe with business. A few months later, he was apologizing to us.

All you have to do is look at a chart of a stock’s price and superimpose that on a picture of someone surfing waves to see where the stock’s price is going.

I knew it!

What is the significance of " BF&D " besides Bloated Fat and Dishonest

After her long gig with “Wheel of Fortune” ended, Vanna White got a stock analysis job here. That’s her walking in the door, Madame Vanna Bella.

I bet that the tea leaves in the break room are for reading, not brewing.

Has no one ever wondered why psychics aren’t crazy rich?

The back room at Rukeyser’s Wall Street Week?

Frank Crumit put it well in 1927. “The stock exchange is a funny place; it’s the strangest place in town. The seats cost half a million cash, but the brokers won’t sit down. There’s the broker, the bull, and the bear; it’s queer but it’s not a joke. For you get the bull ‘til your bankroll’s bare, and the broker says you’re broke.”

My Ag Econ prof in grad school got his PhD from Purdue. One of his profs was the guy who was tasked with predicting hog futures for the U.S. The guy would go into his office and everyone thought he was crunching massive numbers. The truth was that he threw darts at a board, said it was about as accurate as any method.

Joe Kennedy knew it was time to sell his stocks when his shoe shine boy was talking about investing in the market.

I always go with a financial advisor who uses goat entrails.

Actually, I asked him to find out what stocks Congressmen were buying and invest in them. You never know when a big contract will be rewarded or some tax break or change in regulation will happen.

Somehow I don’t think it’s nearly as scientific as that.

Stocks are a long game. Invest in S&P 500 ETF’s.

I’ll buy that..

The stock market varies randomly… at least the Dow does,

I’ve actually joked with clients, who want to know exactly what the market will do "My crystal ball is on the fritz right now.

I don’t know much about stockbrokers or futures traders but one thing I do know is that I don’t know enough about what they do, to do what they do. …sort of the same with pilots and surgeons.

I wonder what “B. F. & D.” stands for or is inspired by.

Unfortunately, human brains do not handle uncertainty well.

In case anyone else is wondering: OUWA is the Open University of West Africa. Not sure how that applies here, though. Did Wiley intend “Ouija”?!

They’re using Wi-Ji instead of WiFi

In the 1960’s, our Econ Prof, Dr. Thomas, showed us how to choose stocks. He said, Get the day’s WSJ and open to the stock listing. Spread it open on a table, then close your eyes, and using a needle, make 10 random punctures in the list. Look at your choices, check their records over the last 5 years, ball up the paper, and use it for fire starter. That’s more return on your effort than you will get from the market.

Those words have echoed down the years over all kinds of market shuffles and scams. The only change I made in the process was to skip the needle stuff and to take the paper straight to the fireplace. Less effort, better return.

No – if they did that, they’d have more success.

Ouija Boards are a scam. The “Magic 8-Ball,” now that’s for real! 8>)

This is ridiculous. Nowadays stock market analysts use sophisticated artificial intelligence programs based on mathematics developed for the testing of nuclear weapons by simulation. However, the results are often much the same. :) :(

I see your future, in the poor house.

Now we know…

Trading on inside info is illegal. Trading without inside info is a sucker bet. They seem to have a good connection to Ponzi on that thing.

Multiple experiments have shown that a portfolio of stocks picked at random is just as successful as one picked by professional analysts. The takeaway is to invest in the market (buy an index fund) not stocks

approach to stock buying: 1) is the price going up? 2) is the Price to Earnings similar to other companies in their field? 3) is the company doing anything new & risky?

If the answers are yes, yes and no, then I invest.

if the market loses 500 points one week,it’ll be gained back the next week.Never panic—-it all comes out even in the end.

And Herbert Hoover is STILL blind and dumb

Sep. 20 is National Voter Registration Day. These nice people will make it as easy as possible: weall.vote/register.

Do you suppose B.F. & D. stands for something subtle? Or is it the more obvious “Big F’n Deal”?

The stock market is millions of people making decisions based on a momentary impulse. If someone tells you they can predict its actions, they’re lying to you.

Flipping a coin is another equally reliable option.

Everyone I knew who played the market and made money, said it was all luck.

I recall reading, a couple of years ago, about a New York investment firm that paid to have its own proprietary, dedicated fiber-optic line installed to the Chicago Mercantile Exchange so it could get the latest information several milliseconds faster than their competitors, who were still stuck using copper wiring. It made financial sense for them to do it. Think about that, then think what chance you have trying to outguess them.

I’d like to work at the division where they look for incidents and news on which to reason the prediction and to explain the failures.

Bought Tesla on a psychic hunch at $402. Two days later it was $808. Recently it split 3 ways. This psychic is doing well.

Some guy wired up his hamsters cage to trade cryptocurrency, and the hamster out-performed literally every one of the alleged “experts” and “gurus” https://www.npr.org/2021/09/25/1040683057/crypto-trading-hamster-goxx-warren-buffet-s-p-500

Years ago a legit financial publication had an annual feature involving a chimp, some darts, and NYSE listed stocks. The chimp generally at least broke even.

That how they predict our weather here in the mid west.

It’s got to be at least as accurate as they guys who yell a lot on TV.

The Ouija doesn’t predict the future. It is for telepathy and for communicating with dead spirits.

The stock market legal gambling. High stakes.

They have candles, a dart board, OUIJA and even a (mis-shapen) crystal ball. And the fortune-teller is late to the party. Surely they can work something out …

So much for options!

100% WRONG!! You use a circle and rooster blood to analyze futures markets. Ouija boards are used solely for international stocks and, maybe, gold (never silver).

I always figured the quarterly reports were just people throwing darts at a dartboard.