For Better or For Worse by Lynn Johnston for September 10, 2023

Who me accountable? No, I need to blame the guy every time.

After four divorces ending in 1978, I’ve slept well mostly alone since then.

Sounds like somebody needs a CPAP machine; make that 2 of ’em.

Snore…….nudge nudge……………………………..snore…nudge nudge……………………………….Snore…………KICK!

wasn’t me. the dog did it. and if you smell a fart, wasn’t me. the dog did it.

And this is why my late husband and I slept in separate bedrooms. I have allergies and breathe through my mouth often. He said I snored so loud the windows rattled.

Foghorn City orchestra.

A marriage consists of two people who both believe that only the other one snores.

My late mother’s snoring could wake the dead!!

What do you call a white woolly mass snoring on a field?

A sleep.

Snoring is an indication

Of a sound sleep.

People tell me I snore.

Personally, I don’t hear it.

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?

A stega-snore-us.

My husband is a very loud snorer. When we were first married it bothered me a bit. One day I was reading the paper. Dear Abby had a letter from a woman who said that her husband’s snoring bothered her so badly that she would sometimes have to sleep in another room. Then her husband died & she said she would give anything to hear him snore again. All of a sudden my husband’s snoring didn’t seem so bad. We celebrated our 38th anniversary last weekend & it hasn’t bothered me since reading that letter.

I find those yellow ear plugs do nicely.

This is me and my Lady, every night. I asked her to sleep in the guest bedroom for a night or two, that didn’t work out well.

Because they make it a point to be excellent about hiding from their students during the summer!

No woman will admit that she snores…atleast not until she is forced to.

Okay, now a days a lip stick camera can settle all those arguments. The trouble is, do you really what to know who’s to blame?

I snore so loud sometimes I wake my self up. Fortunately (for many reasons) I’m single.

And on the 8th day God made ear plugs and husbands around the world looked at them and said they were good. Genesis 1:26-27 Appendix – A.

Such as this joke where there is mother-daughter words of wisdom.

Mother: “I understand you have been seriously considering marriage. Well, let me give you two words of advice. 1.) Never go to bed with a man until after your wedding. 2.) Never marry a man who snores!”

Daughter: “So how am I supposed to find out?”

Is Elly a fan of an animated cartoon about creatures who lived under the ocean which was on the air in the 1980s? If not then why is she repeatedly saying SNORK??!!

The battle of snores….in bed!

If sleeping in separate rooms don’t work, you can try sleeping in separate floors in the house

When was Lynn in my bedroom?

It’s why my wife and I sleep in separate rooms.

When I and my buddies went camping (1970’s-1980’s) , we made one member pitch his little tent on the other side of our lot. Even neighboring lots complained of waking up because of him!

Since Michael left the house, either John or Elly could sleep there so both could get good sleep.

Typical of today’s feminist attitude: Women are NEVER wrong. Men MUST be blamed for ANY bad actions on the part of a woman.

Man, all those “SNORKK”s and “SNOZZZ”es make for some epic reading, don’t they?

Perception is everything.

MAD Magazine had a proposal about “Anonymous” groups we really need:

Spitters Anonymous: Requires everyone to be from head to toe in white clothing. There are a number of rednecks and baseball players in attendance. Needless to say, tobacco juice cannot be swallowed, as the people in white soon learn!

Gum Chewers Anonymous: Are handed sticks of gum during the meeting. Every 15 minutes they are ordered to change seats. It is not long before they see how their own disgusting habit affects others when they sit on used chewing gum wads. They will learn not to be negligent and find a wastebasket to dispose of gum from now on. Those who relapse will be made to redo the program by scraping off wads of the stuck gum and rechewing them.

Park & Beach Dogwalkers Anonymous: A program for those who take their dogs in public places and act like excreta is anything but their concern. Attendees are blindfolded and barefoot. They are made to walk around the exercise yard of a dog pound. While this is happening, beachcombers are hired to clean up dog mess from parks and beaches, using the attendees’ shoes as pooper scoopers.

Mashers Anonymous: Takes place in a room full of female mannequins made of soft spongy rubber. Mashers and cop-a-feelers cannot resist touching, but soon they learn! Among the mannequins there are football players in drag who will lay out cold the mashers. Football players who enjoy being in drag too much are sent to Impersonators Anonymous.

Snore & Bore Enders: A combined therapy session where they are made to be in a locked room for 24 hours. The borers drive the snorers to snore and the snorers drive the borers crazy. The crazed borers waken the snorers, to which the dazed snorers attack the borers. After one session they are either dead or cured.

Get a CPAP!

He fell back to sleep every time she woke him up with her snoring. She stayed awake the entire rest of the night after he woke her up with the snoring. That is why they are looking at it as if the other is wrong.

I knew someone who snored so loudly they woke themselves up.

“A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.”

― Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

This is exactly why my wife and I sleep apart. It’s not that we don’t love each other…. it’s just that we both snore and we’ll keep each other awake. I saw something which said that the #4 cause of divorce is over snoring.

“A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.” — Terry Pratchett, “The Fifth Elephant”

Earplugs and CPAPs for us both have taken care of the problem. Earplugs haven’t kept me from hearing my morning alarm, which is not loud.