Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for March 08, 2021

They also teach a formula that proves that there are fifty billing hours a day.

and then people are surprised when these people are put into politics..only to see them act the same way.

Any chance of triggernometry included in the course somewhere?

I prefer exponential billing when I right my invoices.

Notice the skull bookends on the desk. Probably ex-clients, that didn’t like his fee structure!

Looks more like algebra than calculus. No derivatives or integrals.

In other words, find a loophole to justify your client’s crimes or at least make sure it does not hurt him/her in the wallet except when you present them your bill.

The U.S. has 70% of the world’s lawyers.

No wonder . . .

Just wait ’til they get past the differentiation part and move on to integration of client exigencies versus legal obstructionism.Fees will escalate at a hyperbolic rate!

I have always assiduously avoided lawyers for this very reason. Now, as an estate administrator for a deceased relative, I find I have no choice but to retain one; certain things are outside of my experience, including the Byzantine labyrinth of filings in Surrogate Court and the establishment of an estate. But seeing my law firm’s rate schedule sends Lovecraftian chills down my spine, and I can only hope that when we are done there is more than tree-fiddy left to distribute to potential beneficiaries.

How cynical; cruel, but fair.

I used a lawyer once for a minor conflict. Told him my budget constraints. He said it would not be more than $X.

The bill was 2.5 x X.

He forgot the biz adage about a dissatisfied customer. A happy one might tell 1 or 2 people. An unhappy one will tell 10. I exceeded the average by far.

As a former math major who has done jury duty, I can assure you that lawyers’ grasp of mathematics is on the level of those third-world tribes whose only number words are “one”, “two” and “many”.

Any lawyer will holler for a dollar!

Justice is not won, it’s rented.

Can you find the hidden message in the bookcase? It explains all.

We got John a big award and we even let him keep some of it!

$200 PH is getting off cheap from what I know of some lawyers.

Moral Relativism

Shakespeare was right…

“Let’s kill all the lawyers” is a line from William Shakespeare’s Henry VI, Part 2, Act IV, Scene 2. The full quote is “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”

Yup, that about sums it up.

There is one more equation: The amount of justice you receive is directly proportional to the legal fees you can pay.

Did Rudy ever get the $20K a day out of Trump? LOL – Trump never pays anyone!

It resembles the subject matter in many educational institutions, i.e., visions built on ideas that originated in dreams. Interesting course work maybe, but only applicable in life after some experiential testing.

Oh yes. I remember this class in sales school(Recruiter Training). It was call ethics or some such nonsense. Class Motto – “Admit nothing. Deny everything. Demand Proof.”

And they learn modesty and self-effacement. Observe the abbreviated school name: >U

$200/hr. Must be paralegal school.

I guess that adds up to lots of billable hours?

Wonder why the second row isn’t socially-distanced?

New math. Billable hours integrated over the sum of the clients equals more than 24 per day.

Actually there are tow equations

1) Is the client suing for damages? Does the likely award exceed the likely fees? If yes, take the case. If no decline the case

2) Is the client being sued for damages? What’s the clients net worth? If the likely fees exceed the net worth take the case. If the likely fees exceed the net worth decline the case

My son said he was considering becoming a lawyer. I suggested he become a pimp instead because his peers would have higher ethical standards and he’d be of greater value to society.

I remember being told in law school how to bill your time and avoid an ethics violation. Someone asked, Why would we worry about ethics violations if we just bill for the time we work? She got such a look from the professor.

I remember being asked by a prospective client a few years ago if I would bill him for an hour’s work after a 5 minute phone conversation. I laughed, and told him I might not bill him at all. He told me that there were a number of law firms in town who charged a minimum of 1 hour each time they spoke to a client, which was one of the reasons why he was looking for a new lawyer.

In the United States the dollar is 9/10 of the law

Somebody should sue that guy.

The best way to make sure that you always, always, always engage in legal conduct? Buy the legislators who make the laws!

Proving yourself innocent, even when you are, can be very expensive. That’s the sad reality.

So the question is, how much justice can YOU afford?

Lawyers don’t take that class. Their staff does.

That went right over my head!

I like the school sweatshirt: “Greater Than U”

Is there a Trump nonpayment clause?

Right over Wrong! He’s working with the basic ‘right idea’.

Did anyone notice the sweater on the guy in the doorway – “Greater Than You!”

https://www.facebook.com/TwistedTailsPugs/photos/a.376641535837283/1773073339527422/?cft0=AZUU9UZfLe5zJ4a1n7XDobO4Zu4lqAMXfp9vJ1_SoGXBB5DLCSxU42HWXdDR0ZSJYiutJ9JRf6_wLYH0se7XAqvmI1Ormaws8_tOiMW0dCjWtxKV4BuQAb9b1p67XDSIAAKYU5nmYD_6exV_pnR2nP-CfZHYLmY3SnBvzqlksJBcRQ&tn=EH-y-R

I briefly took a job selling fitness club memberships, for a facility that wasn’t yet open, and quickly learned a valuable lesson about ethics and being a gullible customer on the first day. That was my one and only day at that ”job”.

Good to have you back, Mr. Miller.

“I am sure you are all interested in justice, and not in poor relation of same, legal procedure.” – Charlie Chan

Then in Litigious Calculus 201, they learn that 15 Minutes == 1 Billable Hour.

And, that there is no such thing as Less Than 15 Minutes.

“In Jersey everything’s legal, long as you don’t get caught”

$200/hr seems pretty cheep