Where would we be if we always told the truth? Probably non-existent, seeing as how at LEAST once among our ancestors one of the couples wouldn’t have done that.
I delivered to a customer today whose name was “Dnae”, and the restaurant asked me to confirm the name and the spelling. I said like the little girl in the Deathstroke t-shirt from “Non Sequitur”, but without the first A, and the employee immediately knew who I was talking about.
Hey, Mike, please find a way to slip your latest formula into the water supply of the big house with the round ceiling in DC. Comedy’s been way too scarce there lately.
Bob — Sensitive? Caring? What?? With that morose face and closed stance? Who would think that? He needs to do his drinking at Flo’s. At least he’d have Cap’n Eddy for entertainment and distraction.
Wait. Are you trying to tell me that there are some women out there, over 30 whose first search criteria for a man isn’t their net worth? If this fabled creature does exist, I’ve never encountered her. My attempts to meet women typically end after these words… " My name is Bob. I work in retail." Those words inspire Olympic quality sprints from the most out of condition women you can imagine.
I got lucky. I never had to play this game. Even as a teenager.
I had an older sister and from her learned all the stupid things girls did to to attract boys. From my peers, I learned all the stupid things boys did to attract girls.
So I decided to “play my hand straight.” I met my wife at a high school dance when I was 16. We’ve been together since then. This is why I believe in a God. At 16, I seldom made good decisions. The only logical explanation is Divine Intervention.
My future best man’s wife had a fairly hot friend, surgically enhanced and all. When I was treading water in the dating pool, he said he could fix me up with her.
Some time earlier he had told me how some guy had given her a bracelet, which she immediately took to a jeweler to get appraised.
Nope. My pension was a long way from what she would have considered acceptable.
After I was dating The Bride, I met the hot friend at a tennis club. Later, she asked my buddy why he hadn’t fixed us up. She had no idea how I had saved her some time.
It could be worse. He could have said, “I killed my first two wives and made it look like an accident. If you play your cards right, you can be number three.” I’ve seen several true crime shows in which this was the case.
I think it’s great, for the most part. When in our cups, my associates and I have solved most of the world’s great problems. Only downside is that nobody wrote it down.
I had a date with this 23-year old who later told me she was looking for a man with lotsa dinero. She was a looker in a ‘false eyelashes-halter-top-bottle-blond’ sorta way, but rather airhead-flakey-bimbo. She may have realized she was just arm-candy. I didn’t have the heart to tell her what would happen when her ‘sugar daddy’ dumped her for another 23-year-old piece of arm-candy. She’s about 70 now, and I hope her life turned out happy.
salakfarm Premium Member about 2 years ago
After four ex-es, now Wiley tells me.
eastern.woods.metal about 2 years ago
Alcohol always has been a truth serum. It makes people do stupid things
jmarkoff2 about 2 years ago
Where are Ted and Alice?
Wilde Bill about 2 years ago
Some people have a lot of fun wasting time.
Bilan about 2 years ago
It must have a delayed effect. He gave his real name.
Erse IS better about 2 years ago
Where would we be if we always told the truth? Probably non-existent, seeing as how at LEAST once among our ancestors one of the couples wouldn’t have done that.
sirbadger about 2 years ago
Did Mike graduate from Hogwarts and then have trouble landing a high paying job?
Superfrog about 2 years ago
Yes, I think there’s some real chemistry there.
dadoctah about 2 years ago
I delivered to a customer today whose name was “Dnae”, and the restaurant asked me to confirm the name and the spelling. I said like the little girl in the Deathstroke t-shirt from “Non Sequitur”, but without the first A, and the employee immediately knew who I was talking about.
Alexander the Good Enough about 2 years ago
I believe that a certain amount of cynicism is called for. It helps one get through the day, and through life…
Richard S Russell Premium Member about 2 years ago
Hey, Mike, please find a way to slip your latest formula into the water supply of the big house with the round ceiling in DC. Comedy’s been way too scarce there lately.
abba3 about 2 years ago
If truth serum was legal to obtain, I’d love to dump it into the water supply in Washington DC and the state capitols.
SHIVA about 2 years ago
Everybody looks fabulous after a couple of drinks!!
Doug K about 2 years ago
So … is it a date?
TwilightFaze about 2 years ago
And this is why I never go to bars.
Isenthor1978 about 2 years ago
Sounds like Mike drank the kool aid, too.
PraiseofFolly about 2 years ago
“This is the way the whirl ends / Not with a bang but a simper.”
— T.S. (Tough Sh-t) Bob
cripplious about 2 years ago
Carol looks a lot like Danae and kate’s mom Victoria.
cdward about 2 years ago
I don’t know, sounds like they’re perfect for each other.
keenanthelibrarian about 2 years ago
As they say – ‘In vino veritas’ …
goboboyd about 2 years ago
But he took a shot to his sales for the team(s).
vaughnrl2003 Premium Member about 2 years ago
I prefer a little more time to get to the bottom line. I just want some company, not a company.
jimchronister2016 about 2 years ago
Morning Wiley, good one, your right on as usual! Good day
sandpiper about 2 years ago
Bob — Sensitive? Caring? What?? With that morose face and closed stance? Who would think that? He needs to do his drinking at Flo’s. At least he’d have Cap’n Eddy for entertainment and distraction.
uniquename about 2 years ago
Either that or she just discovered a great way to get rid of guys she’s not interested in.
theincrediblebulk about 2 years ago
Wait. Are you trying to tell me that there are some women out there, over 30 whose first search criteria for a man isn’t their net worth? If this fabled creature does exist, I’ve never encountered her. My attempts to meet women typically end after these words… " My name is Bob. I work in retail." Those words inspire Olympic quality sprints from the most out of condition women you can imagine.
verticallychallenged Premium Member about 2 years ago
Actually, they seem like they deserve each other.
dflak about 2 years ago
I got lucky. I never had to play this game. Even as a teenager.
I had an older sister and from her learned all the stupid things girls did to to attract boys. From my peers, I learned all the stupid things boys did to attract girls.
So I decided to “play my hand straight.” I met my wife at a high school dance when I was 16. We’ve been together since then. This is why I believe in a God. At 16, I seldom made good decisions. The only logical explanation is Divine Intervention.
Bill The Nuke about 2 years ago
Ah, but they missed out on all of the fun stuff in between.
xtc45688 about 2 years ago
Some people don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.
Redd Panda about 2 years ago
Go for it, big guy. Who’s to say, you won’t win, where the others failed?
Bruce388 about 2 years ago
My future best man’s wife had a fairly hot friend, surgically enhanced and all. When I was treading water in the dating pool, he said he could fix me up with her.
Some time earlier he had told me how some guy had given her a bracelet, which she immediately took to a jeweler to get appraised.
Nope. My pension was a long way from what she would have considered acceptable.
After I was dating The Bride, I met the hot friend at a tennis club. Later, she asked my buddy why he hadn’t fixed us up. She had no idea how I had saved her some time.
stealth694 about 2 years ago
LOL, That is a Truth Serum I would love to see in Congress’s Drinking Water.
brick10 about 2 years ago
IF only!
phileaux about 2 years ago
Would’ve saved me +2yrs . . .
Daltongang Premium Member about 2 years ago
Now all we need is Ted and Alice.
mindjob about 2 years ago
The truth serum is good, but we really need a fountain of youth serum which will make everyone more attractive
David Norton Premium Member about 2 years ago
Wait a minute — this implies that we’re SUPPOSED to care about things which don’t directly affect us? What the..
Lola85 Premium Member about 2 years ago
It could be worse. He could have said, “I killed my first two wives and made it look like an accident. If you play your cards right, you can be number three.” I’ve seen several true crime shows in which this was the case.
schaefer jim about 2 years ago
As a former bartender and bar fly there is a whole a lot of truth to this toon!
bobbyferrel about 2 years ago
I think it’s great, for the most part. When in our cups, my associates and I have solved most of the world’s great problems. Only downside is that nobody wrote it down.
stillfickled Premium Member about 2 years ago
“Blue suit” reminds me of Nixon.
NWdryad about 2 years ago
I want some of that stuff.
WickWire64 about 2 years ago
Welcome to Stories From the Alcohol of Fame
moondog42 Premium Member about 2 years ago
I mean… does that really stop some people from having sexy times..?
57-Don about 2 years ago
Bob and Carol… where are Ted and Alice?
anomaly about 2 years ago
They seem compatible to me, if only short-term.
Durak Premium Member about 2 years ago
“So, now that that’s all out the way, you wanna screw?”
eastern.woods.metal about 2 years ago
I didn’t know that Bob is from Canuckistan
thedogesl Premium Member about 2 years ago
I’m not sure whether that’s a brilliant business model or not….
christelisbetty about 2 years ago
When did Bob grow a mustache ?
DaBump Premium Member about 2 years ago
I thought they were going to say something like, “Oh, great, we’re made for each other!”
spaced man spliff about 2 years ago
I had a date with this 23-year old who later told me she was looking for a man with lotsa dinero. She was a looker in a ‘false eyelashes-halter-top-bottle-blond’ sorta way, but rather airhead-flakey-bimbo. She may have realized she was just arm-candy. I didn’t have the heart to tell her what would happen when her ‘sugar daddy’ dumped her for another 23-year-old piece of arm-candy. She’s about 70 now, and I hope her life turned out happy.
Realimaginary1 Premium Member about 2 years ago
After that truth serum, Number 2 should be easy to do.
bakana about 2 years ago
Is That where Mike Callahan moved his bar after Key West?
whelan_jj about 2 years ago
I doubt either of them intended a relationship beyond one night anyway so it wouldn’t have been “wasted” time.