Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 27, 2023

What about those people who grew up with only bar soap? They need help!

How about, “It’s soap for your hands. Figure it out, pea-brain.”

Without that warning someone would eat it and then their relatives would win a few million in a product liability suit.

get a Life-boy!

Amen.

But what about the person whose job is to write explanatory prose? Have you thought of THEM? Hah. They need work too!

You wet your hands, applied soap…..NOW WHAT? You left me hanging!

What about a drowning warning on a bucket? If you’re not smart enough to use a bucket without drowning maybe you shouldn’t be using a mop either.

From what I’ve seen a lot of people don’t even know how to wash their hands. “Wash your hands” does not mean “wet them under the tap and then dry them off.” You do have to apply soap and rub it all over your hands before rinsing.

Labels are a self-protective legal necessity. A ladder company’s lawyer griped about this decades ago to a work colleague of mine in the next seat on the plane. A guy was suing the ladder company after he fell off one of its extension ladders, breaking his leg. This guy had cleverly set the ladder’s bottom legs on top of a huge, long, frozen-solid pile of manure, so he could take advantage of the pile’s height to get himself up high enough to reach whatever his target was on his barn wall. Weeks later he finally got around to climbing the ladder, failing to notice that the weather had warmed and the pile of crap had thawed. The ladder did its level best to keep its vertical position, but with his added weight, it couldn’t. One leg broke through the top dried-up crust and the whole thing fell sideways into the pile, depositing him in the, er, deposits. He blamed the ladder company for not having labels on its ladders warning people not to set them up on manure piles. I’ve always wondered how that suit turned out.

Reminds me of Wonko the sane. For further information, read the directions on a box of toothpicks.

Poor Trina and her “Prin”Albert and Marian are wide awake…

In grade school the soap dispensers had Borax, and the sign said “wet hands first.”

Warning on an umbrella stroller “Remove child before folding stroller”, lawyers and liability!

Like the warning that hot coffee is HOT. Only takes one idiot to make a warning label.

How is that surprising? We live in a world where people have to be TOLD not to take a drug they know they are allergic to.

No wonder my hands are so slippery I haven’t been adding water.

If you follow the instructions “lather, rinse, repeat” on a bottle of shampoo, you get stuck in an infinite loop.

No, you’re an a$$hole in an otherwise okay world.

Incomplete instructions, or is the soap meant to stay on?

Sanity has its root in being affected by the sun; whereas lunacy has its root in being affected by the moon. The myth was that the moon made you crazy but the sun restored your mental balance. Each night (if the moon was out) would bring you closer to lunacy and each day would restore your sanity (sunliness).

Rat has a point.

Preparation H, do not take orally

How many people know you’re supposed to wet the toothbrush first before applying the paste?

I always wash my hands.

You would think so. But industrial strength soaps require that you apply the soap prior to wetting the hands. It can be confusing to those more sheltered, when they encounter such things as are only found in shop or factory settings.

The final panel state’s Rat’s and The❤️Count’s Philosophy of Life to a Tee. Rat and Count… Telling lowly unworthies that the Emperor Has No Clothes since 2020 and, like all Wise Asps, being (generally) ignored in Their Own Be❤️ed Country. God Bless America.

And “Bob the Squirrel” describes the crazy soap flavors…

The bag of Cat Litter also has directions.

But how do you apply the soap?

At least, their hands will be clean while solving their other problems.

DO NOT use crazy glue on your dentures

“I drank the whole bottle of soap and my hands are still dirty” is why that’s on the label.

You’d have thought that the COVID-19 epidemic would have taught people the necessity of proper hand-washing. However, from what I’ve observed, it seems not to be the case.

I knew we were lost when I saw instructions on the side of a can explaining how to open the can. This was years ago!

Those instructions are incomplete. It should go on to say rub hands together to form a lather, rinse hands after at least one minute, then dry hands.

Brand new motor home manual says don’t use cruise control and leave drivers seat to make a cup of coffee. Someone had to of done that one time for them to write that in their

Maybe a land of dirty lunacy, Rat.

Oh that you Rat! I always wondered what that thing was…

“For external use only.”

Are all lefties on this strip?

Worse, there are instructions on a box of toothpicks.

Sing the ABC’s while washing.

True dat.

My favorite warning label was on the tag in an adult-size Superman costume. It read: “Warning! Does not enable wearer to fly.”

On occasion one has to agree with Rat.

How about the Bubble Bath container that says: Keep the product dry?

I think it’s the first time I’ve agreed with you, Rat!

I am amazed at the large number of comments that this strip generated. People have too much time on their hands, dirty or clean. Happy New Year.

I like the instructions that used to say on liquids- “Shake well before using” to now they say – “Shake the bottle well before using” Really??

This is like a meme that I saw. It shows people in the 50s, saying, “We’ll have flying cars!” Then to 2023, where someone has a sandwich wrapped in paper, and the paper says all over it: Do not eat. How ironic.

There are labels on bleach bottles that tell the user to not drink the contents.

Things like this make me lose faith in humanity.

I took my dog to his play date, when the owner opened her door, one foot from me and was obviously sick. Yep, I got it, two weeks before Christmas I was sick, missed everything. She said, “I choose not to believe I catch things.” Choose to believe what you want lady, you GAVE it to me!

the one that gets me is… “don’t use product X if you’re allergic to product X”

Just hold them over a fire until they get to 185 degrees and they will be germ free. Makes about as much sense as all the crap that people advise on “how to wash your hands”. If you don’t know how to wash your hands, you’re an idiot. You shouldn’t be running around loose.

Well, it is a full moon, and to be sure, use hand sanitizer, we have railroad tankers full of the stuff.

I’m sure if the manufacturer did not include those instructions, someone would bring a lawsuit for not making it clear that you don’t use the soap by swallowing it.

For a fun time about the wash rooms look up the “Myth Busters” episode where they did a study on the three drying methods generally used; roll cloth, paper, air. There is also one about three washes people do. For the lazy (me), the full correct answer is: use soap, rinse and dry with disposable paper towels.

Kinda like “don’t use toaster when taking a bath”!

The irony of a rat being concerned about this.

Do not use hair dryer in shower.

With liquid soap it’s better to put on the soap first. I’ve tested this extensively with grease and oil.

Today’s comments are hilarious!

LOLOL — This was very funny Stephan, and TRUE!!!

Labels that say DO NOT OPEN UNTIL CHRISTMAS means that they definitely will be

It’s tragicomic because it’s true. Part of me deplores the stupidity of some people who seem to have been raised by wolves (if they’d been raised by racoons, they would know how to wash their hands!); but another part of me blames the litigious bent of our American society: companies don’t want to be dragged into frivolous lawsuits, so they post these inane instructions even a 5-year-old would turn his/her nose to. Reminds me of that lawsuit by a woman who was suing a restaurant because the hot soup scalded her.

Caveat: If you’re washing your mouth out, you don’t need to wet your hands.

When I turned 12, my dad gave me a stick of deodorant. It didn’t have any instructions on it. My dad didn’t explain what to do with it. The only thing I had to go by were the commercials. He asked me one day, “Aren’t you using the deodorant I got you?” I said yes, and confidently raised my wrist up to him, “See? Smell.”

Yes Rat, we know this

“Here’s your sign”

https://www.youtube.COM/watch?v=ZBjelRDKHUk&t=50s

Sometimes—in fact, rather often—Rat is right, skewering the idiocy of our world….

Well, what can be expected from a country that got into the habit of suing for everything caused by stupidity. Then worsened by allowing the change in philosophy of education and centralizing it’s control thereby yielding a larger less educated and logical society causing even more ridiculous suits and other modern wonders, that our parents would have taken to the wood shed for spouting such drivel.

There is a drug for that. BTW, don’t take this drug if you are allergic to it.

But, do you rub the soap off, or just rinse it off?

Proper: turn water on, wet hands, get soap. Teach the students, in’s/out’s/top and bottom of hands. Wash off, dry and if available paper towel to turn faucet off.

I’ve also heard of instructions on a bag of peanuts: Open bag. Eat nuts. Or how about the warning “Will be hot after heating”? I fear for a society that needs that much help to survive.