Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 04, 2025

I actually learned how to do it by watching a YouTube video. In case anyone actually wants to know how.

I could have told you that

My mom was amazing. You couldn’t tell a flat sheet from a fitted one when she folded them

Wise @ss just wanted to get rid of him…

I have watched a Martha Stewart video 3 times and I still can’t get the sheet lie flat.

That’s about the size of it, no matter which way you try.

It’s easier when you don’t have a spouse.

Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be done?

The hill looks steeper than usual.

They’re not that hard to fold unless you want it to look good.

The wise a$$’s hill seems to be getting more vertical!!!

I sort of smoosh it into a square(ish), mostly flat lump, and stuff it into a pillowcase, along with the other case and the flat sheet.

There are a lot of short videos (like 45s) that show how. I learned but often get impatient, sort of half follow the procedure and then, yeah—smoosh.

Don’t buy fitted sheets that way you do not need to fold them ;-) …. Croc Power !

I didn’t know they have spouses… :D

Simply wad and toss…easy peazy….

Me gots question too. How does Pig stays on that very vertical side? Pig was bited by a radioactive spider too?

I do have a problem with them, The pillowcases and the flat sheet no problem, but the fitted ones, I just do my best and put them into a container in the linen closet!

I believe I have the best solution. Don’t fold it at all, just put it back on the bed.

Had the hill been remodeled for the new year? The top seems way more steep that in the past.

Not really a question because every fitted sheet comes with instructions on how to fold them… wad do ya mean, “No they don’t”?

If you never wash it, you’ll never have to fold it. (Also, you won’t be bothered with overnight guests)

I learned by my short stature/arms and king size sheets just won’t do the job without a folding table. I get the pockets together, roll them up and stuff them in the matching pillow case. Along with the folded flat sheet. Looks great in the cupboard. I guess, don’t really care.

The rolling up idea came from Dr. Phil, when he was still okay and had one episode where traded jobs with his wife. I agreed with him that rolling up sheets makes more sense, can just roll them out on the bed. His wife laughed, not sure why.

So they’re spouses?

Rat the spouse. That’s cute.

First step is halving it with the surface inside, then put your hands in the right and left corners and fold the head and foot rims over them. You now have the lower right corner tucked into the upper right and the lower left into the right. Then fold the smooth edge left and right one third inward and the two doubled corners a quarter inwards thus hiding the rims. The sheet is now a flat rectangle of 100 by 80 max and can be folded further to the desired size.

They have spouses?

Nope.

Never could understand why this is considered a problem. I was about six when I figured it out.

I admit it…I’m a smoosher.

This made me laugh.

I’ve never been able to get fitted sheets folded the same way twice! Each one comes out a little different every time! Know what? Since I’m the one who changes the beds and washes and folds the sheets, I could Rat’s patootie if they’re not Martha Stewart perfect!

I never understood why people thought this was such a problem.

That’s the way! It’s a sheet, not a dress shirt.

Just watch a do it yourself video.

I have a spouse that does the “folding” the same way. We agreed long ago, what’s the point.

It seems like the hill is skinnier then last time.

The wise *ss illustrates a larger truth: SOME THINGS ARE JUST NOT WORTH WORRYING ABOUT! I’m the same way with underwear and socks – just throw them in a pile in the drawer! Who the heck is gonna’ know or care? The kind of people that would come in my house, inspect my underwear drawer, and consequentially judge me about it are the kind of people I don’t want in my house anyway.

I lay mine flat on my bed, fold the sides in to create a nice rectangle and fold it from there like a flat sheet. those complicated inside out grab the corner and insert into other corner stuff seems ridiculous and I tried it a couple times.

Nah. One folds them nicely. Spouses DO notice.

The sheets that are elasticized all the way around are impossible to fold. The ones that only have elasticized corners were much better. However, most new fitted sheets are the full elastic style

Eons ago, my college roommates and I made up a list of requirements for the man we would eventually marry. “Able to fold fitted sheets neatly” came between “starting salary at least equal to my own” and “gives good foot rubs”.

I bought a king size sheet for my queen size mattress. I wash it and put it right back on the bed again. As it’s larger than the mattress, I don’t have to fight with that last corner to get it on the bed.

Take the sheets off the bed, wash them, dry them, put them back on the bed.

Now ask him why there’s only one word for ‘thesaurus’.

I’ve always wondered why this is a question. No matter how messy it is folded, when it is stretched on the bed it takes any wrinkles out

Got to love this Wise As character. Stephan Pastis is delightfully crazy.

Put away will make the day!

Only have one set of sheets, then you don’t have to worry about it!

That’s exactly how it’s done so you’re never asked to fold the sheets ever again

Is a wise a** on the hill the same as a smart a**, because I get called that all the time.

Hands in corner pockets that shares a bed edge. Bring hands together like you are praying. Flip one edge over the other. Repeat with the other two corners. Lay it on a bed and smooth it out. Fold. Clear as mud?

I gave up on that impossible task for most males, and simply put it back on the bed. Enough of them on there adds to sleeping comfort.

Tuck the corners into each other, smooth, place the folded flat sheet and pillowcases on top and fold it all together. No problems.

Are Pig and Rat in a spousal relationship?

Never fold it. Take it off the bed, put in washer, move to dryer, remove from dryer and put it back on bed.

I wash it and put it back on the bed.

Unanswerable questions:

How do you respond when someone says you are in denial, but you are not?

How does the snow plow driver get to work in the morning?

Why is it called a building if it’s already built?

Who let the dogs out?

That incline is so steep, oh my gosh.

Think the hill’s steep enough?

Just cut 2 holes in it, throw it over your head and go as a ghost on Halloween

I’m sure there are several ways to do it. I just cannot bring myself to care, for a single minute, what a sheet looks like on my closet shelf.

I KNEW it!

I didn’t realize there was any other way. I did an experiment with my underwear. I measured the volume occupied by folding it neatly and just stuffing it in a drawer. It’s equal. Cotton knits don’t wrinkle easily. I stuff it in a drawer. I have a couple of pairs of dress socks. The others are all black crew socks. I haven’t rolled them in over 30 years. The crew socks are interchangeable.

Hey, that’s my technique too!

This is how I discovered my mother was actually a wizard.

I just wash mine and then put it back on the bed. It eliminates the need for folding.

Just wash it and put it back on the mattress. When it gets funny, throw it away and get out the new spare set you have in the closet.

My way perfectly.

You can have one set of sheets and do laundry in your house. Problem solved. You will never have to fold those impossible-to-fold things.

now that’s one smart a s s!

Folding sheets? I suppose some people fold their towels too.

you fold all the corners together inside out. easy-peasy!

I know how to tie my own shoes. Don’t overwhelm me.