Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 03, 2024

As my mom said, I don’t care. I won’t be there.

Rat has a point; it’s not like he’s going to sit up and say, “Wow, what a great funeral!”

I told my wife I’d like a green funeral. She said she was going to have me cremated, like her mom. I’m not gonna have anything to say about it.

Rat be right! Save the money for something useful.

For an epitaph, how about “He ain’t around, he’s in the ground”?

Funerals are for the living not the dead.

Funerals are for the living not the dead.

Reminds me of a young man of supposedly strong religious beliefs who spent a crazy amount of money on “the perfect” burial plot. He considered the river view etc! I reminded him he wouldn’t be there enjoying the view, it’s not a summer home.

I half expected Rat to say that he didn’t plan to die. And since he’s a cartoon character he most likely never will.

Rat seems to always have a bat at hand.

Rat actually has the right idea. When it comes right down to it, the deceased really has no business dictating the grieving needs of his survivors. I’ve told my kids it’s up to them to do what they feel is comfortable and meaningful to them.

I left instructions that if my body is not cared for to drag me out to the curbside.

I’ll raise a big stink about it…

I knew a man who (A) wanted specific songs sung at his funeral, (B) wanted to be cremated, but © didn’t care what was done with the ashes.

Pre-arrangement will save you and your Family a world of Grief, Plus you don’t feel rushed making decisions !

Be cremated and you could be “Dust, in the wind, all you’ll be is dust in the wind”!

I’ve been asked what do I think happens when we die? I say it will be exactly like it was before we were born. Remember? They say “no?” I say “exactly!”

Throw away the body and partee! It’s hard to celebrate when there’s a dead guy right in the middle of the room.

Funerals are a ripoff. I want to be cremated.

I’ll be too busy being Gratefully Dead!! Thanks!!

I’m reminded of the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band song “Buy For Me the Rain” —The last lyrics are: Gravestones cheer the living, dear, they’re no use to the dead.

Funerals – when a bunch of people who couldn’t be bothered with you in life show up to display how devastated they are now that you’re gone.

I would prefer no funeral, but like Rat, I’ll be dead and won’t know (or care) either way.

Funny.

I agree with rat. Some funeral home got sited for abusing corpses. How can you abuse a dead body, it don’t care anymore.

I don’t think anyone will be grieving when Rat dies.

(I know I won’t…)

Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die…… (somebody had to say it)

I told my kids I want them to play Doo-Wop music for my final viewing, but they probably won’t, and I won’t care anyway.

Rat probably won’t get a funeral anyways. Would anyone even care when he dies?

as I have often said “what do I care? I’ll be dead.”

We wonder why a family needs to use so much of their estate to pay the undertakes when donating the body to science costs nothing.

I like the Celebration of Life party that’s becoming popular.

Agree w tripwire above – funerals are for those left behind, the deceased literally couldnt care less.

I’m with Rat on this. “Do whatever makes you happy. I won’t care.”

Since I don’t have kids, I completely don’t care what happens to me after I die. I told my husband he can just have my body taken away. We are not legally married and since FL doesn’t recognize common law marriage he has no legal obligation. I am not prepaying for arrangements since no one will be visiting my grave or keeping my ashes for any significant length of time. I know a few others (all women) who feel the same way for the same reasons

not if it becomes your funeral first. ;)

I work in the area of bereavement. People “not caring” about what happens when they die are a huge problem for the loved ones they leave behind.

I’m kind of with Rat on this. I believe my soul will go on living, but I’ll be dead as far as this Earth is concerned and not caring about the body I left behind.

I’m with Rat on this one. However, I would absolutely pay someone to dress up in stereotypical spy gear (trenchcoat, fedora, etc), loiter at the fringes of my funeral, and as people are leaving pull out a cellphone and say – just loud enough for people to hear – “Yes, sir. We’re sure this time. Mostly.”

I’m with Rat on this one.

Told the wife I want a New Orleans style service with a jazz band leading the way…oh yeah!

Cremated, ashes in the dumpster, no funeral or service or I’m coming back to haunt some folks.

I am both A & B with Goat’s choices but also agree with Rat … I’ll be dead, not alive, so what difference does it make what people do with me?

The funeral is never for the dead person; it’s for their friends and loved ones.

I plan on being “late”.

So, did Goat just meet Rat? Can’t believe he came up with those as suggestions for him to answer.

I want the priest to say, “Take him into your loving and FORGIVING arms Lord.”

I have never seen the point of spending thousands of dollars to put on a show around a lifeless body. My old carcass is to go to the nearest medical school with instructions to throw anything they cannot use into the bin. If there are any family or friends that feel a need to “memorialize” me, let them throw a potluck at the local VFW hall.

I always ask my family “Is dragging me to the curb in a Hefty bag an option?”

I don’t care because I won’t be there. Let my survivors do what they want. After all, the party’s for them, not for me.

Just bury him in an unmarked grave, then head to the bar afterwards.

That’s an odd conversation starter.

I want to be dropped in a swamp so that 75 million years from now the cockroaches dig up my fossilized bones and put me in a museum.

Sometimes funerals are too expensive, like my sister who left behind a mountain of debts

I do believe in the need for collective grieving, but I don’t believe in the need for a showy recitation of my life.

I used to have very specific desires for my funeral, but I realized that I really didn’t care all that much. And, since I’m unmarried and have no children, there won’t be anyone who has to handle my final arrangements, so I don’t want to place a heavier burden than necessary on whoever is kind enough to take it on.

An old cult film called THE LOVED ONE—1965 spoofed the funeral business and made the point that giving somebody a million dollar send-off is kinda redundant considering the “guest of honor” is in no position to appreciate it

Funerals are for the living, not the dead. My executor has no instructions from me except to cremate me and put my ashes with my dog and cat’s if possible.

No funeral for me. Donating my body to MedCure!

At my funeral, I hope someone says, “Look, he’s moving!”

Have the doctors take any organs that can be of use to someone else. Cremate the rest. Have dinner at a nice restaurant with whoever wants to show up and say, “He was a mensch.” (Maybe an all-you-can-eat buffet so that everyone can say they’ve had their fill of dealing with me.) Then throw the ashes in the air on the pedestrian walk of the Brooklyn Bridge during morning rush hour, so I can be in everyone’s hair all day.

I knew of a guy who’s funeral was almost 3 hours long… the family had put together a feature length movie (for everyone to “enjoy”)… he was more of a passing acquaintance, so I’m glad I didn’t feel obligated to go!

It’d be hilarious if my corpse sat up and was like “Get on with it!” while the sermons were being delivered more than five minutes.

I’ll take a funeral pyre, an open bar and Oingo Boingo singing “Deadman’s Party.”

My funeral will be an ol viking one

1. Bury me with my butt sticking out of the ground so my visitors will have a place to park their bicycles.

2. Or cremate me. One more time for me to make an ash of myself could hardly be noticed.

3. Just don’t donate my remains to medical science – I’ve had enough of folks laughing that my mohel used pinking shears . . . see also: “frilly dilly”

“Always look at the bright side of life” – Monty Python (Eric Idle)

I don’t even plan on attending mine as I am donating my body to UW Medical School. AND, if my soul is still on Earth for some reason, I still wouldn’t attend……

I’m sure there a lot of people who would want to attend Rat’s funeral.

Organ donation is nice. If any of the parts are still working.

And you wanna discuss money first. Right, Rat?

♪Now, when I die,

Now don’t think that I’m a nut

Don’t want no fancy funeral,

Just one like old King Tut!♪

Maybe Rat should check out the movie “Get Low”.

Rat’s answer is literally the one i gave this last thanksgiving when the topic came up. About half the crowd couldn’t get their heads wrapped around the idea that someone didn’t care what their funeral was like or if it even happened.

Funerals mark a transition and are memorial services. In some cultures they are a celebration of the achievements of the persons’ life in a way meant to exhalt their memory, often done by their offspring/followers in a way to legitimize why those people should take over their role. In some it is a celebration of what a person has meant to those left behind. In all cases in western culture the main benefit is for those left behind, to grieve and celebrate.

I will put my husband’s ashes in a Build-A-Bear so he will always be with me; and I can finally have the last word in when I talk to the bear.

I haven’t because I’m not planning on dying either.