Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 14, 2024

It’s easier for people who know you to find you when they decide to kill you.

Of course, those odds would go down considerably if Pig stopped living with Rat.

In the justice department, they call it a crime of passion. Two people get into a heated argument and a gun is just too handily available.

Of course, Pig is more likely to be killed by someone who owns a slaughterhouse.

… and the one that kills you is apt to be a Rat.

No, Pig, wait a sec! Think it through! If you spend enough time with those strangers they’ll turn into friends!

Most total strangers don’t care enough. They can just walk away.

A variation of the old joke “I heard that most accidents happen at home, so I moved.”

But not just any stranger, they must be TOTAL strangers!

If you want to lower your chances of being murdered as much as possible, avoid having any friends.

Gang bangers mostly know each other.

Small problem Pig, bacon is delicious.

But Pig, spending more time with strangers will makes em knows you more and will makes more peoples knows you than before. Meaning more chances of you getting killed anyways.

…the reason being that the people you know are around you often enough to be tired of your nonsense and may just snap and wring the life out of you…?

If you watch dateline, you know this already

Rat could be one of those potential killers.

There is almost a 40% chance the murderer will get away with it.

Maybe the phrase “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” needs a corollary: “Keep your enemies far away and your friends even farther away”. After all, a friend, minus the letter r, becomes a fiend.

Pig learns that the odds of being murdered by a serial killer are very low and the odds of a serial killer being murdered by another serial killer are infinitesimal. So he becomes a serial killer.

The third panel reminds me of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when the knight says “He chose poorly” after Donovan drank from the wrong cup and went kerblooey.

It’s the ones who know you that want to kill you, those who don’t know you have no reason to kill you.

No kidding. Several of my neighbors own guns. I might call them, but never knock on the door.

Familiarity breeds contempt, as the saying goes.

Here’s a tip with going out with friends… Don’t win big at the casino!

Pig also heard you are most likely to die within 10 miles of your home. So he moved…

Why is it people you know that you haven’t seen in a while are greeted with ‘hello stranger’?

That sounds logical!

But then the strangers will not be strangers anymore. YOU’RE DOOMED. Stuff like that.

One the other hand, outside of comic strips, there are a thousand strangers for every person you know.

Figures don’t lie, Pig.

Sadly, it does mean a LOT of people DO end up in the wrong crowd. I think most of them would have a hard time finding better friends.

Being a hermit always has had a certain appeal.

If I end up murdered, the suspect list will be very short.

They thought Ted Bundy made for a very nice stranger, too….

It makes you wonder where Rat is

“What does that tell you?”

It tells me, don’t tick off your friends or family.

“What does that tell you?” You’re friends with Rat.

You haven’t given strangers a reason to kill you…

Technically everyone’s a stranger until you get to know them.

To pull that off you would need to have no more than one conversation with everyone you encounter for the rest of your life. It’s an interesting thought, as you’d really have to make that one conversation count.

Please note. The article said “Someone you know” NOT “a friend”.

Absolutely hilarious – Pastis outdid himself! I love it!

Pastis is a crackup!

“From now on all my friends are gonna be strangers, I’m all through ever trusting anyone..”Haggard

Around 50% of my friends died of old age, and the rest look unhealthy.

People are strange.

“A stranger is just a friend who doesn’t want to kill me yet!”

People don’t usually p**s off people they don’t know to the point of eliciting homicidal responses. To do that, you kinda have to know the person.

“All my friends are gonna be strangers from now on.”

wait…..but if you spend more time with them, they’ll become someone you know!!!!!

I’m thinking that NYC is an exception to that rule.

That’s why I’m an introvert.

That’s pretty obvious. Why would someone who doesn’t know you hate you enough to kill you?

They must be TOTAL strangers.

Aaaand you’re probably only 1.5 times more likely to be killed by an acquaintance than by a total stranger.