Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for December 05, 2023

Over.

Guy: I’ll trade you the under toilet paper for no shams on the bed.

The U.S. patent for the toilet paper roll shows over.If you have cats you’re forgiven for going with under.

Leave it sitting on the toilet tank.

Do they have a cat?

Put it on the sink countertop and do whatever

The real answer is that the TP gets replaced by a bidet!

The only haiku I’ve ever composed:

 How to hang TP:

 Loose end over front of roll

 Unless you have cats.

Over

It’s always over in our place – under seems a bit too p##sed elegant.

Everyone knows it goes over…unless you have cats.

It’s always the little things that get to you.

just remember, “beard good, mullet bad”.

Next Question: Is the roll half full or half empty?

It’s made to go over—look at the embossing and/or the printed design on rolls that have them. However, that being said, over makes it way too easy to unspool more TP than you might care to have used—cats, toddlers, and careless housemates are the usual guilty parties. In those cases and depending on your TP budget (or in case of panic-buying shortages) it might better to mount it to unroll under to make it last a little longer.

Over

Apparently thought concerning this topic occupies a lot of time for people. Too bad Aristoiletle didn’t write a treatise on it. Leave it to Science to develop “TP-ology” to study in depth the overs-or-unders of the subject.

Over unless you have cats, in which case you have bigger problems.

“Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.” Paul Harvey

It should be the first question asked on every dating website. It would save so much time and grief concerning compatibility.

Over or under? Neither, I use the curtains.

At work I feel like toilet paper; nobody misses me until I’m gone (on vacation).

As a marker of cynical times, the whole pre-nup thing is a breaker of some sort.

(My grandparents could never have conceptualized it.)

Under means contacting the wall. Gross.

How about having Separate bathrooms?

The real problem nobody’s addressing: In the event of a divorce, who gets to keep the toilet paper?

Over, and put a spare on the tank when you make the roll small.

Wars have been fought over lesser topics

Always under if one has cats.

On the floor.

Wonder if Donald and Melania’s pre-nup said that.

Bidet

sideways, on a post standing next to the toilet

As long as it is there I don’t care.

Over. It’s the right thing to do.

3 ply or 2? Scented or not? Extra soft or the kind they use in the subway ? Hint: just give in, use whatever she likes.

On a TP stand you can have it either way, just turn it around

if on the back, you have a better chance of touching the wall after you’ve gone and now particles are on the wall for the next person to accidently touch the wall and so on…

If yu live in a house with kittens, the toilet paper goes in the drawer.

If you’re anal about it, that’s the deal breaker.

Better get that settled. One time, as a deputy, I refereed a division of property in a divorce. It specified who got which light bulns from the house.

One thing I have observed over the past 60+ years is that it is physically impossible for males to replace a roll of toilet paper on the roller. Even if they actually pull a new roll from the cupboard, they will leave the old roll on the roller with one tissue attached. So the argument isn’t whether the end goes up or down, but whether there is paper within reaching distance.

Once that is agreed apon we’ll move on to whether the toilet seat shall be left up or down.

Over for most holders.

Their word bubbles form a Venn diagram, so at least they’ll have something in common

Put two holders beside each other. One for each direction. If one of them still complains, they are a control freak. No marriage for them.

The roll goes the way the one replacing it decides.

Then, after the Toilet Taper Question is settled, there is the Window Thing. From Ogden Nash’s poem, “I Do, I Will, I Have”:

. . . . Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen,

I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open. . . .

Have it in a closed box with a slit and ripping edge. I don’t care about the orientation within.

Separate facilities, please.

Yep.

The discretion of the one who changes the roll.

The counselor must have forgotten what a brouhaha Ann Landers kicked off when someone asked her which way to hang toilet paper.

good to find out right off the bat(with so many people having single-topice “deal breakers” these days, I’m surprised anyone gets married)

Well…it’s settled then!

Bummer.

Well done or medium rare.

Put two holders side by side. One with it over and one under. Then at least one of them will be the correct way and the other will satisfy the people that are UNDER their belief that their way is correct.

Next topic, putting the toilet seat down.

That couple needs to see a prenup marriage counselor before going to a lawyer. It will probably save them a lot of money.

Through the cardboard roll in the middle…

Use sandpaper.

They used to make toilet paper with little flowery prints. It was always for rolling over, not under.

It’s best to go over as no one wants your potentially dirty hands anywhere near close to the walls. That is why most public restrooms have the holders that roll out perpendicular to the wall…well, that and the fact that those rolls are often huge.

Over… always over. You need to compress the roll first so that the cardboard inside has a couple corners in it to keep the roll from free-rolling.

Whatever, as long as there is always a fresh one when the old one is finished.

Good one, Wiley. Made me laugh.

Pets or toddlers, Under. Otherwise, over.

We had a cat that would go into the bathroom all the time. He wouldn’t mess with the TP, but he would drink out of the toilet. Of course, he would flush it first. I have pictures of this.

As long as the TP is present when it needs to be, nothing else matters.

The Oxford comma is used in lists. It is placed to indicate the end of the previous item.

Some much for true love.

How about sideways?

2 bathrooms, he has over, she has under…that’s how it is at our house.

Over. It’s been settled for a long time.

It should go over. When my wife installs a roll, it is 50/50 what you will get. However, most often she just leaves it sitting nearby, and it is up to me to install it properly.