Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 30, 2024

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    BasilBruce  9 months ago

    Rat speaks for us all today.

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    BE THIS GUY  9 months ago

    Coffee, regular (IYKYK)

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    Asharah  9 months ago

    I don’t even drink coffee

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    GROG Premium Member 9 months ago

    So, ‘coffee with cream and sugar’ would force you to take a hike.

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    The dude from FL  Premium Member 9 months ago

    3 words, ‘black, no sugar’

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    joegee  9 months ago

    I hate when I go to a coffee shop and order a black coffee and they ask me if I “need room for cream and sugar”.

    That’s why Mr. Coffee and I are such good friends. (That and the 98% savings.)

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    c001  9 months ago

    Dirty Harry didn’t need one single word for that.

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    carlsonbob  9 months ago

    I’m with Rat on this one!

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    Uncle Kenny  9 months ago

    I can order in three words: “Kahlua coffee, please.”

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    blunebottle  9 months ago

    I take four: “Small, dark roast, black.”

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    ChristineFoxdale  9 months ago

    I usually need 5 – “large, extra cream, no sugar.”

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    Hoosier Guy  9 months ago

    “Large coffee with cream.”

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    Bilan  9 months ago

    I need four words just to say “Hello. Anybody working here?

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    Gent  9 months ago

    Good, Rat. That is very good association policy of your.

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    cracker65  9 months ago

    I’m with rat on this one

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    enigmamz  9 months ago

    I’ll have orange juice.

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    Concretionist  9 months ago

    I never go into one of those places. And if I do, I NEVER order coffee. Maybe a scone. MAYBE a cup of tea. But probably only if you’re buying. Because price. I’m annoyed that my tea bags cost me 10 cents each. Good tea though.

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    Dillithamir  9 months ago

    Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

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    Purple People Eater  9 months ago

    I can do it with four words – I don’t drink coffee.

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    daDoctah1  9 months ago

    Three for me: “large, black, iced”. Then I have to repeat them six more times because nobody believes I just want coffee and not some freaking milkshake.

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    some idiot from R'lyeh Premium Member 9 months ago

    You can safely stop him at “grande”.

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    Walter Kocker  9 months ago

    Cafe Veterano®, Por Favor – (four words)

    There’s a lovely Cuban Bakery just outside a hotel I used to stay at in Miami.

    On the “Espresso” menu was “Cafe Veterano®” – When I asked, I was told it was a double espresso with a shot of Veterano® brandy.

    My kinda breakfast.

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    Walter Kocker  9 months ago

    Go to YouTube and search for “Kitty Flanagan Coffee” – it’s worth your time.

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    iggyman  9 months ago

    Not to mention the price!

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    markkahler52  9 months ago

    Decaf. Hot. And I’ll put my own dam cream and sugar in, too, if ya don’t MIND!!

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    Procat Premium Member 9 months ago

    Maybe he went to get something to drink and use the WiFi, and then expected Rat pay for the coffee.

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    Count Olaf Premium Member 9 months ago

    The Good News… Pumpkin Spice Latte and Creme Brûlée Latte are only three words. The Bad News… they have been discontinued until next October. sigh

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    akachman Premium Member 9 months ago

    Better locate the AED. The dude is going to code on that kind of diet.

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    red_tape  9 months ago

    a few more of those sugary messes & he’ll have a truck-size spare tire.

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    KageKat  9 months ago

    Nope – I try to let people actually enjoy things.

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    Huckleberry Hiroshima  9 months ago

    Pig sits on a pillow and watches an ancient TV set. Hang in there, Pig.

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    NeedaChuckle Premium Member 9 months ago

    That’s COFFEE!! A fancy milkshake is what it is and the cost is outrageous, but you can save a whole dime if you bring your own cup, how wonderful!!

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    Croc Holliday  9 months ago

    Yes Rat, because I’m sure that, while you’re looking down at others for their highly specialized coffee preferences, you yourself aren’t especially particular in other facets of your life.

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    SquidGamerGal  9 months ago

    We have a couple of little inventions called pencil and paper… LEARN HOW TO USE THEM!!

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    Ellis97  9 months ago

    And that’s why I don’t drink coffee. Plus, it tastes awful, no matter what you add.

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    Dobie  Premium Member 9 months ago

    1. Black

    2. Coffee

    3. Please

    4. Thanks!

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    Twelve Badgers in a Suit Premium Member 9 months ago

    If I order tea, am I then allowed to uze as many words as I want?

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    SALUDADOG  9 months ago

    I’m surprised Rat didn’t give him a slapapuccino

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    MS72  9 months ago

    Ordering online so your coffee will be ready when you arrive seems unnecessary at Dunk’ns, but I imagine it would be useful at S*arbucks. Their drive thru line must move like molasses.

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    Goat from PBS  9 months ago

    I don’t like coffee, so I don’t order it.

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    [Unnamed Reader - bddb15]  9 months ago

    I think I’m going to get sick…

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    chris_o42  9 months ago

    Coffee UGH! I drink tea the Irish way. Tea+sugar+milk. 3 words Rat, we’re OK.

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    WorkshopGardener Premium Member 9 months ago

    What I like is when I order “Coffee, black” and the server asks if I need room for cream. BTW, you don’t need room for sugar and yiou add it yourself anyway. For once I am going to agree with Rat.

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    DaBump Premium Member 9 months ago

    SIX PUMPS OF CARAMEL???

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    DaBump Premium Member 9 months ago

    Tea, Earl Grey, Hot.

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    bittenbyknittin  9 months ago

    Grande iced decaf Americano. Or if at the local B&N cafe, “the usual”.

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    Saturn49  9 months ago

    Double, double for me.

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    ladykat  9 months ago

    Coffee, cream, sugar.

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    aerotica69  9 months ago

    I can order that coffee in three words, Bill : large Sumatra black.

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    Aladar30 Premium Member 9 months ago

    This mean Rat can’t have Italian friends.

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    Kaputnik  9 months ago

    Small dark roast, black. Please.

    I guess that “please” would put me on Rat’s banned list. I can live with that.

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    phileaux  9 months ago

    At some point it becomes a milk shake. Senior year, we had a speaker about finances in college. The biggest takeaway was learn to drink black coffee.

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    Paul D Premium Member 9 months ago

    Rat, you (occasionally) WORK at a coffee shop. You ought to be used to it.

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    dlaemmerhirt999  9 months ago

    “Black coffee one sugar.” I would not be Rat’s friend for OTHER reasons.XD

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    Mr. Organization  9 months ago

    It’s sounding more like a milkshake than a coffee. Just go to Dairy Queen instead.

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    royq27  9 months ago

    A line not to be crossed!

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    chuck  9 months ago

    He’s ordering a milkshake, not coffee.

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    bigheadx Premium Member 9 months ago

    Amen.

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    Homer J  9 months ago

    Coffee, hot, black. Anything else is dessert.

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    hoffquotes2  9 months ago

    Coffee Nazi

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    MollyCat  9 months ago

    If your coffee is any good, it’s all you need.

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    Joseph comicinthestrip  9 months ago

    Medium Iced Cappuccino, please!

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    car2ner  9 months ago

    a number of times I order iced coffee and get told “we don’t have that”. OK, bring me a cup of coffee and a tumbler full of ice

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    mindjob  9 months ago

    Small coffee with cream. I don’t use those pretentious Italian words for the size of the cup, since I’m not in Italy

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    morningglory73 Premium Member 9 months ago

    He should just order a dessert and pour some coffee on it.

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    Queen of America  9 months ago

    No coffee. Or tea. They both smell vile and taste even worse.

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    Zebrastripes  9 months ago

    It ends up Rat prefers a crapocinno! ☺️☺️☺️

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    Drbarb71 Premium Member 9 months ago

    I visited Italy and ordered caffe macchiato (espresso with a small bit of steamed milk”). They always asked “Americano?” Which meant a ton of sugar and milk. I said, “No. Italiano!” And it always brought a smile. Once you’ve had a real espresso, you realize what they serve here is mostly garbage-sweetened milk with sugary flavoring. Even a cappuccino has such weak coffee and so much milk that you can’t taste it. No wonder so many people are obese!

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    mousefumanchu Premium Member 9 months ago

    Black, as dark as my heart and as evil as my soul.

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    Brilliant_Birdie   9 months ago

    The employees LOVE him!

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    dpatrickryan Premium Member 9 months ago

    Coffee, black.

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    old_geek  9 months ago

    A more substantial reason than the obtuse reason of….

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    Radish the wordsmith  9 months ago

    The first time I went into a Starbucks I ordered what I thought was the simplest thing, “A small black coffee, please,” they did not know what to do. The first question was, ‘what size is small?’

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    hooglah  9 months ago

    That’s a fact!

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    kittygatos  9 months ago

    Son sent me this recently: https://YOUTU.be/olaVegee-Qw?si=RVtxemxbvhOyD5dJ

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    minty_Joe  9 months ago

    I’m surprised no one is adventurous enough to ask for Kopi Luwak. Look it up; I dare ’ya!

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    John Jorgensen  9 months ago

    I choose something off the menu board and say the size. (That is, small medium or large, not tall, grande or venti—Pearls taught me to have contempt for that nonsense.) If that’s not enough information to complete the order I will answer the barista’s follow up questions.

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    zeexenon  9 months ago

    … AND you didn’t give your name … you … you Stall-Man!

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    [Unnamed Reader - 92d54b]  9 months ago

    Well, I live in a small town in Italy. Every morning I only say four words: “un caffè, per favore”, and they give me a delicious espresso. So, I can associate with Rat…

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    barcud  9 months ago

    Coffee. Flavored. Coffee.

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    willie_mctell  9 months ago

    Short drip, the secret size at S*****s

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    david.reichert  9 months ago

    Starbucks took to adding all the coffee condiments for you during the pandemic. I hate that. They never get it quite right. I am always disatified that I paid up for a cup of coffee and every sip is a little disappointment.

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    StarBeak  9 months ago

    “Large Iced Caramel Machiato” =3

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    KEA  9 months ago

    “Drip coffee is for people who hate themselves and know their lives have no real meaning or purpose.” — Wednesday Addams

    I don’t agree but it cracks me up.

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    AwelCruiz  9 months ago

    For me, it’s “Medium, two cream, one sweetener.”

    That’s still more than four words.

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    eric.franz.petras  9 months ago

    Coffee, black, no sugar.

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    [Unnamed Reader - 14b4ce]  9 months ago

    Red Bull gives you insomnia

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    hitman4cookies  9 months ago

    Coffee, sweet and light.

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    Katje  9 months ago

    Darn! “Black, with no sugar, please!” is unfortunately five words…

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    Cameron1988 Premium Member 9 months ago

    Hate coffee

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    pamela welch Premium Member 9 months ago

    Good for you Rat. I agree!

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    Rob Nobody  9 months ago

    “I just want a black coffee. None of this mocha-frappa-dappiatto nonsense.”

    “Great, what size would-”

    “You probably don’t even know how to make a black coffee anymore.”

    “Actually we sell quite a few of them. Now what size-”

    “I bet I’m the only black coffee drinker left in the world.”

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    eddi-TBH  9 months ago

    Tall, sweet and creamy.

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    Whatever happened to common sense?  9 months ago

    Typical stupid coffee shop culture with it’s pretentious jargon and snobbery.

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    einarbt  9 months ago

    Check out the crocs from Pearls Before Swine over on Imagine this 30/01/24

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    Otis Rufus Driftwood  9 months ago

    Rat has some weird lines.

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    Ermine Notyours  9 months ago

    Doesn’t Rat work at a fancy coffee shop?

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    soaringblocks  9 months ago

    hilarious!

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    Curiosity Premium Member 9 months ago

    Coffe, black, no sugar

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    Wizard4168  9 months ago

    I usually drink my coffee black, no sugar. But I do occasionally enjoy the odd frou-frou “coffee” drink.

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    notmoving Premium Member 9 months ago

    I like my coffee black, just like my men.

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    wordsmeet  9 months ago

    Thanks to Starbucks, American coffee is an even dumber version of a good cup of joe.

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    alantain  9 months ago

    Mochaccinno. 1 word. Ha!

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