I never go into one of those places. And if I do, I NEVER order coffee. Maybe a scone. MAYBE a cup of tea. But probably only if you’re buying. Because price. I’m annoyed that my tea bags cost me 10 cents each. Good tea though.
Three for me: “large, black, iced”. Then I have to repeat them six more times because nobody believes I just want coffee and not some freaking milkshake.
Yes Rat, because I’m sure that, while you’re looking down at others for their highly specialized coffee preferences, you yourself aren’t especially particular in other facets of your life.
Ordering online so your coffee will be ready when you arrive seems unnecessary at Dunk’ns, but I imagine it would be useful at S*arbucks. Their drive thru line must move like molasses.
What I like is when I order “Coffee, black” and the server asks if I need room for cream. BTW, you don’t need room for sugar and yiou add it yourself anyway. For once I am going to agree with Rat.
I visited Italy and ordered caffe macchiato (espresso with a small bit of steamed milk”). They always asked “Americano?” Which meant a ton of sugar and milk. I said, “No. Italiano!” And it always brought a smile. Once you’ve had a real espresso, you realize what they serve here is mostly garbage-sweetened milk with sugary flavoring. Even a cappuccino has such weak coffee and so much milk that you can’t taste it. No wonder so many people are obese!
The first time I went into a Starbucks I ordered what I thought was the simplest thing, “A small black coffee, please,” they did not know what to do. The first question was, ‘what size is small?’
I choose something off the menu board and say the size. (That is, small medium or large, not tall, grande or venti—Pearls taught me to have contempt for that nonsense.) If that’s not enough information to complete the order I will answer the barista’s follow up questions.
Well, I live in a small town in Italy. Every morning I only say four words: “un caffè, per favore”, and they give me a delicious espresso. So, I can associate with Rat…
Starbucks took to adding all the coffee condiments for you during the pandemic. I hate that. They never get it quite right. I am always disatified that I paid up for a cup of coffee and every sip is a little disappointment.
BasilBruce 9 months ago
Rat speaks for us all today.
BE THIS GUY 9 months ago
Coffee, regular (IYKYK)
Asharah 9 months ago
I don’t even drink coffee
GROG Premium Member 9 months ago
So, ‘coffee with cream and sugar’ would force you to take a hike.
The dude from FL Premium Member 9 months ago
3 words, ‘black, no sugar’
joegee 9 months ago
I hate when I go to a coffee shop and order a black coffee and they ask me if I “need room for cream and sugar”.
That’s why Mr. Coffee and I are such good friends. (That and the 98% savings.)
c001 9 months ago
Dirty Harry didn’t need one single word for that.
carlsonbob 9 months ago
I’m with Rat on this one!
Uncle Kenny 9 months ago
I can order in three words: “Kahlua coffee, please.”
blunebottle 9 months ago
I take four: “Small, dark roast, black.”
ChristineFoxdale 9 months ago
I usually need 5 – “large, extra cream, no sugar.”
Hoosier Guy 9 months ago
“Large coffee with cream.”
Bilan 9 months ago
I need four words just to say “Hello. Anybody working here?”
Gent 9 months ago
Good, Rat. That is very good association policy of your.
cracker65 9 months ago
I’m with rat on this one
enigmamz 9 months ago
I’ll have orange juice.
Concretionist 9 months ago
I never go into one of those places. And if I do, I NEVER order coffee. Maybe a scone. MAYBE a cup of tea. But probably only if you’re buying. Because price. I’m annoyed that my tea bags cost me 10 cents each. Good tea though.
Dillithamir 9 months ago
Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.
Purple People Eater 9 months ago
I can do it with four words – I don’t drink coffee.
daDoctah1 9 months ago
Three for me: “large, black, iced”. Then I have to repeat them six more times because nobody believes I just want coffee and not some freaking milkshake.
some idiot from R'lyeh Premium Member 9 months ago
You can safely stop him at “grande”.
Walter Kocker 9 months ago
Cafe Veterano®, Por Favor – (four words)
There’s a lovely Cuban Bakery just outside a hotel I used to stay at in Miami.
On the “Espresso” menu was “Cafe Veterano®” – When I asked, I was told it was a double espresso with a shot of Veterano® brandy.
My kinda breakfast.
Walter Kocker 9 months ago
Go to YouTube and search for “Kitty Flanagan Coffee” – it’s worth your time.
iggyman 9 months ago
Not to mention the price!
markkahler52 9 months ago
Decaf. Hot. And I’ll put my own dam cream and sugar in, too, if ya don’t MIND!!
Procat Premium Member 9 months ago
Maybe he went to get something to drink and use the WiFi, and then expected Rat pay for the coffee.
Count Olaf Premium Member 9 months ago
The Good News… Pumpkin Spice Latte and Creme Brûlée Latte are only three words. The Bad News… they have been discontinued until next October. sigh
akachman Premium Member 9 months ago
Better locate the AED. The dude is going to code on that kind of diet.
red_tape 9 months ago
a few more of those sugary messes & he’ll have a truck-size spare tire.
KageKat 9 months ago
Nope – I try to let people actually enjoy things.
Huckleberry Hiroshima 9 months ago
Pig sits on a pillow and watches an ancient TV set. Hang in there, Pig.
NeedaChuckle Premium Member 9 months ago
That’s COFFEE!! A fancy milkshake is what it is and the cost is outrageous, but you can save a whole dime if you bring your own cup, how wonderful!!
Croc Holliday 9 months ago
Yes Rat, because I’m sure that, while you’re looking down at others for their highly specialized coffee preferences, you yourself aren’t especially particular in other facets of your life.
SquidGamerGal 9 months ago
We have a couple of little inventions called pencil and paper… LEARN HOW TO USE THEM!!
Ellis97 9 months ago
And that’s why I don’t drink coffee. Plus, it tastes awful, no matter what you add.
Dobie Premium Member 9 months ago
1. Black
2. Coffee
3. Please
4. Thanks!
Twelve Badgers in a Suit Premium Member 9 months ago
If I order tea, am I then allowed to uze as many words as I want?
SALUDADOG 9 months ago
I’m surprised Rat didn’t give him a slapapuccino
MS72 9 months ago
Ordering online so your coffee will be ready when you arrive seems unnecessary at Dunk’ns, but I imagine it would be useful at S*arbucks. Their drive thru line must move like molasses.
Goat from PBS 9 months ago
I don’t like coffee, so I don’t order it.
[Unnamed Reader - bddb15] 9 months ago
I think I’m going to get sick…
chris_o42 9 months ago
Coffee UGH! I drink tea the Irish way. Tea+sugar+milk. 3 words Rat, we’re OK.
WorkshopGardener Premium Member 9 months ago
What I like is when I order “Coffee, black” and the server asks if I need room for cream. BTW, you don’t need room for sugar and yiou add it yourself anyway. For once I am going to agree with Rat.
DaBump Premium Member 9 months ago
SIX PUMPS OF CARAMEL???
DaBump Premium Member 9 months ago
Tea, Earl Grey, Hot.
bittenbyknittin 9 months ago
Grande iced decaf Americano. Or if at the local B&N cafe, “the usual”.
Saturn49 9 months ago
Double, double for me.
ladykat 9 months ago
Coffee, cream, sugar.
aerotica69 9 months ago
I can order that coffee in three words, Bill : large Sumatra black.
Aladar30 Premium Member 9 months ago
This mean Rat can’t have Italian friends.
Kaputnik 9 months ago
Small dark roast, black. Please.
I guess that “please” would put me on Rat’s banned list. I can live with that.
phileaux 9 months ago
At some point it becomes a milk shake. Senior year, we had a speaker about finances in college. The biggest takeaway was learn to drink black coffee.
Paul D Premium Member 9 months ago
Rat, you (occasionally) WORK at a coffee shop. You ought to be used to it.
dlaemmerhirt999 9 months ago
“Black coffee one sugar.” I would not be Rat’s friend for OTHER reasons.XD
Mr. Organization 9 months ago
It’s sounding more like a milkshake than a coffee. Just go to Dairy Queen instead.
royq27 9 months ago
A line not to be crossed!
chuck 9 months ago
He’s ordering a milkshake, not coffee.
bigheadx Premium Member 9 months ago
Amen.
Homer J 9 months ago
Coffee, hot, black. Anything else is dessert.
hoffquotes2 9 months ago
Coffee Nazi
MollyCat 9 months ago
If your coffee is any good, it’s all you need.
Joseph comicinthestrip 9 months ago
Medium Iced Cappuccino, please!
car2ner 9 months ago
a number of times I order iced coffee and get told “we don’t have that”. OK, bring me a cup of coffee and a tumbler full of ice
mindjob 9 months ago
Small coffee with cream. I don’t use those pretentious Italian words for the size of the cup, since I’m not in Italy
morningglory73 Premium Member 9 months ago
He should just order a dessert and pour some coffee on it.
Queen of America 9 months ago
No coffee. Or tea. They both smell vile and taste even worse.
Zebrastripes 9 months ago
It ends up Rat prefers a crapocinno! ☺️☺️☺️
Drbarb71 Premium Member 9 months ago
I visited Italy and ordered caffe macchiato (espresso with a small bit of steamed milk”). They always asked “Americano?” Which meant a ton of sugar and milk. I said, “No. Italiano!” And it always brought a smile. Once you’ve had a real espresso, you realize what they serve here is mostly garbage-sweetened milk with sugary flavoring. Even a cappuccino has such weak coffee and so much milk that you can’t taste it. No wonder so many people are obese!
mousefumanchu Premium Member 9 months ago
Black, as dark as my heart and as evil as my soul.
Brilliant_Birdie 9 months ago
The employees LOVE him!
dpatrickryan Premium Member 9 months ago
Coffee, black.
old_geek 9 months ago
A more substantial reason than the obtuse reason of….
Radish the wordsmith 9 months ago
The first time I went into a Starbucks I ordered what I thought was the simplest thing, “A small black coffee, please,” they did not know what to do. The first question was, ‘what size is small?’
hooglah 9 months ago
That’s a fact!
kittygatos 9 months ago
Son sent me this recently: https://YOUTU.be/olaVegee-Qw?si=RVtxemxbvhOyD5dJ
minty_Joe 9 months ago
I’m surprised no one is adventurous enough to ask for Kopi Luwak. Look it up; I dare ’ya!
John Jorgensen 9 months ago
I choose something off the menu board and say the size. (That is, small medium or large, not tall, grande or venti—Pearls taught me to have contempt for that nonsense.) If that’s not enough information to complete the order I will answer the barista’s follow up questions.
zeexenon 9 months ago
… AND you didn’t give your name … you … you Stall-Man!
[Unnamed Reader - 92d54b] 9 months ago
Well, I live in a small town in Italy. Every morning I only say four words: “un caffè, per favore”, and they give me a delicious espresso. So, I can associate with Rat…
barcud 9 months ago
Coffee. Flavored. Coffee.
willie_mctell 9 months ago
Short drip, the secret size at S*****s
david.reichert 9 months ago
Starbucks took to adding all the coffee condiments for you during the pandemic. I hate that. They never get it quite right. I am always disatified that I paid up for a cup of coffee and every sip is a little disappointment.
StarBeak 9 months ago
“Large Iced Caramel Machiato” =3
KEA 9 months ago
“Drip coffee is for people who hate themselves and know their lives have no real meaning or purpose.” — Wednesday Addams
I don’t agree but it cracks me up.
AwelCruiz 9 months ago
For me, it’s “Medium, two cream, one sweetener.”
That’s still more than four words.
eric.franz.petras 9 months ago
Coffee, black, no sugar.
[Unnamed Reader - 14b4ce] 9 months ago
Red Bull gives you insomnia
hitman4cookies 9 months ago
Coffee, sweet and light.
Katje 9 months ago
Darn! “Black, with no sugar, please!” is unfortunately five words…
Cameron1988 Premium Member 9 months ago
Hate coffee
pamela welch Premium Member 9 months ago
Good for you Rat. I agree!
Rob Nobody 9 months ago
“I just want a black coffee. None of this mocha-frappa-dappiatto nonsense.”
“Great, what size would-”
“You probably don’t even know how to make a black coffee anymore.”
“Actually we sell quite a few of them. Now what size-”
“I bet I’m the only black coffee drinker left in the world.”
eddi-TBH 9 months ago
Tall, sweet and creamy.
Whatever happened to common sense? 9 months ago
Typical stupid coffee shop culture with it’s pretentious jargon and snobbery.
einarbt 9 months ago
Check out the crocs from Pearls Before Swine over on Imagine this 30/01/24
Otis Rufus Driftwood 9 months ago
Rat has some weird lines.
Ermine Notyours 9 months ago
Doesn’t Rat work at a fancy coffee shop?
soaringblocks 9 months ago
hilarious!
Curiosity Premium Member 9 months ago
Coffe, black, no sugar
Wizard4168 9 months ago
I usually drink my coffee black, no sugar. But I do occasionally enjoy the odd frou-frou “coffee” drink.
notmoving Premium Member 9 months ago
I like my coffee black, just like my men.
wordsmeet 9 months ago
Thanks to Starbucks, American coffee is an even dumber version of a good cup of joe.
alantain 9 months ago
Mochaccinno. 1 word. Ha!